FRESH

Huddersfield Daily Examiner (Huddersfield, England), Dec 18, 2006

Why would Paris Hilton need a publicist? That has to be a job that practically does itself - it must be like keeping the sea moist for a living.

Like jam from a doughnut on to a clean shirt, this is a woman who oozes publicity. She can't help it, it's part of what she is - it's all that she is. In fact she might not actually exist - Paris Hilton is possibly just publicity incarnate. First there was The Publicity, and then The Publicity was made flesh - who knows?

Anyhoo - she has one and he's called Elliot Mintz (I believe that's his name and not a description of his gait), and he's just given the English language a brand new euphemism for cocaine. I appreciate that on top of nose candy, ski lift, devil's dandruff, snow tracks, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, Charlie etc, we really don't need another coca-based nickname ... but this one's a beaut.

The other day some sharp-eyed photographer papped Ms Hilton with a clearly discernible, tell-tail blob of white stuff up one of her nostrils.

The task of explaining away the powdery deposit fell to Elliot who said: "I can tell you Paris does not do narcotics". He then suggested her conk-frosting was "--whipped cream or a sugary substance from dessert, something that naturally might have found its way on to her face. I'd label it a stray dessert. " Genius!

So the next time you're round a friend's for dinner if they offer you some "stray dessert" you'd better just say no - coz it's a bit more-ish.