Father-Child Relationships

Encyclopedia of Childhood and Adolescence by A. Woodward

The traditional roles of the father in our society have been that of the bread-winner and the disciplinarian. As more and more mothers work outside the home, the fathers' role in the family is changing. Parents today expect to share more child-rearing responsibilities. The single father and the house-husband are not rare these days, and society seems less ready to stigmatize men who care for their young children. One sign of this attitude change is the fact that fathers are now routinely allowed--even encouraged--to come into labor and delivery rooms to watch the birth s of their children, and are allowed to hold their children in their first moments after birth. This is a huge departure from the image of the expectant father nervously pacing the waiting room, then peering at the newborn infant through the nursery window.

In June 1997, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that the number of single fathers with children under 18 grew from 400,000 in 1970 to 1.7 million in 1995. That same year, government data shows that 2.5 million children lived with just their fathers-48% of whom were divorced, 28% were never married, 18% were married but not living with their wives, and 5% were widowed.

For children living with their father only:

• Median family income-was $23,155 (1994)
• Percent that were classified as poor: 26%
• Six out of ten lived with at least one sibling.
• Percent of fathers with high school diplomas: 76%
• Percent of fathers with a bachelor's degree or more: 12%
• Percent with a father who was working: 79%
• Five out of 10 lived in rental housing.

For children living with both parents:

• Median family income was $46,195 (1994)
• Percent that were classified as poor: 11%
• More than eight out of ten lived with at least one sibling.
• Percent with at least one parent with a high school diploma: 86%
• Percent with at least one parent with a bachelor's degree or more: 29%
• Percent with at least one parent working: 85%
• Less than 3 out of 10 lived in rental housing.

A man's relationship with his child begins before birth. Fetus es can hear voices from outside the womb by the sixth month of development. A father-to-be may enjoy talking to the unborn child. Newborns seem to recognize their mother's voice immediately after birth, and will respond to their father's as well, if it is already familiar to them.

A father is allowed to witness the birth of this child in most modern American hospitals. More and more, fathers participate in the birth as a breathing coach or moral supporter. Even in the case of a Caesarean birth, the father is often allowed to attend the surgery. Being present at a child's birth allows a father to show his commitment to the child and the child's mother. Fathers seem to feel more comfortable with their babies and take more interest in caring for them if they have participated in the birth and held their babies right away.

If the birth has no complications, the infant is usually quiet and alert right after birth. The newborn can see faces that are 8-12 inches (20-30 cm) away, and will seek out a person's eyes and stare. The newborn can hear well, and will turn her head or eyes toward a familiar sound. These early minutes of the newborn's life are often extremely rewarding for new parents, and many studies indicate that both mothers and fathers feel more secure with their babies and more confident caring for them if they have had time alone with the newborn right after birth (see Bonding ).

Unless the father is the primary caregiver , a child under the age of two is likely to be more attached to his or her mother than father. The father may feel rejected or defeated in his attempts to take his share of the child-rearing if the young child is cold to him or pushes him away when upset. A father's bond with a young child can be stronger if there is some special time when he has the child alone. The father may develop special games and songs that only he does with the child. If there is some routine for father-child interaction, such as a nightly bathtime or bedtime ritual, the child is more likely to be comfortable with both parents.

According to research, the father typically plays a larger role than the mother in shaping his children's perceptions about their own masculinity or femininity. The father may consciously or unconsciously reward what he considers gender-appropriate behavior. For example, he may be visibly unsettled by a boy playing with dolls or wearing his sister's dress. A man who wished for a boy may encourage his daughter's tomboy tendencies, or he may expect his son to share his interest in certain masculine activities.

Children also pick up cues to gender roles by observing how their father treats their mother, and vice versa. Some children will respond positively to their father's expectations of their gender-appropriate behavior. But if the father's expectations clash with the child's temperament or desires, he may alienate the child. At such times, it may be necessary for the father to reevaluate his expectations and find new ways to interact with his child.