Grief

Macmillan Encyclopedia of Death and Dying, (2003) by ROBERT KASTENBAUM, KENNETH J. DOKA, JOAN BEDER, REIKO SCHWAB, KENNETH J. DOKA, REIKO SCHWAB, KENNETH J. DOKA, NORMAN L. FARBEROW, MARGARET STROEBE, WOLFGANG STROEBE, HENK SCHUT, LILLIAN M. RANGE

Therapists' views. In 1997 Judith Stillion and Eugene McDowell reported the results of their study of certified grief counselors' and grief therapists' perspectives on gender differences in grief. The researchers found that the people in their sample did believe that men and women express grief differently. Men were perceived as less likely to express strong emotions and more likely to use diversions such as work, play, sex, or alcohol. Therapists reported that men were more likely to respond cognitively and to use anger as a primary mode of emotional expression. Women were seen as more likely to express grief affectively (emotionally) and to seek support.

The counselors in the sample also found differences in the expectations of others and the support men and women received from others. Others expected men to get over their loss more quickly and be able to function more effectively. Women were seen as needing and receiving more emotional support, but others also saw them as being more of a social risk—that is, being likely to break down in normal social situations. The result was that these therapists reported that their women clients received more comfort-oriented support but fewer opportunities for normal social activity than their male counterparts.

Despite these differences in the expression of grief, and the support men and women were likely to receive, the counselors surveyed did not report differences in outcomes. In fact these therapists saw different risks for each gender. In their view, men were more at risk for certain types of complicated grief reactions, whereas women were more prone to depression or chronic mourning.

Gender-based studies of grief. The perspective of these therapists, explicitly or implicitly, is grounded in much of the research that does show a difference in the ways men and women grieve. In summarizing this research in 1999, Terry Martin and Kenneth J. Doka noted the following:

Research has shown that widows and widowers face different problems in grief. For example, many widows reported financial distress and noted the emotional support that had been provided by their spouse. Widowers were more likely to report disruptions of their familial and social networks. Widows were more likely to seek emotional support, whereas widowers found solace in exercise, work, religion, creative expression, or more destructively in alcohol. Many of these same results are evident in the loss of a child. Mothers reported more emotional distress than fathers. Strategies in dealing with the loss differed by gender. Women tended to use more support-seeking and emotion-focused strategies, whereas men were more likely to intellectualize their grief and use more problem-focused strategies to adapt to the loss. Studies of the loss of a parent also showed that middle-aged sons were less likely than daughters to experience intense grief, had fewer physical manifestations of grief, and were more likely to use cognitive and active approaches in adapting to loss. Differences between genders seem less apparent in older age groups. This may reflect the idea that individuals become more androgynous as they age. Differences in gender are also affected by other variables such as social class, generational differences, and cultural differences. The research on differences in outcome is quite mixed. Some studies have shown men to have better outcomes, others show women to do better, and still other studies show no significant difference or mixed results in outcome (i.e., men do better on some measures, women on other measures).