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Grief
Macmillan Encyclopedia of Death and Dying, (2003) by ROBERT KASTENBAUM, KENNETH J. DOKA, JOAN BEDER, REIKO SCHWAB, KENNETH J. DOKA, REIKO SCHWAB, KENNETH J. DOKA, NORMAN L. FARBEROW, MARGARET STROEBE, WOLFGANG STROEBE, HENK SCHUT, LILLIAN M. RANGE
Anger and rage, which are common in bereavement, are often displaced onto the nearest target: a person's spouse. Spouses are generally irritable toward each other over trivial matters and matters concerning the deceased child. Loss of sexual intimacy is common, and it may take even a year or two to restore a sexual relationship. Serious strain in marital relationships can lead to separation and divorce, especially if couples had marital problems prior to their child's death. In the majority of cases, however, the marital bond is strong enough to withstand this major ordeal and may even be strengthened.
Parents who are single as a result of divorce or the death of their spouses and unmarried parents are spared the kinds of problems that confront marital partners, but they grieve while carrying a myriad of responsibilities and demands placed on them without partners with whom to share the burden. If they lost their only child they are left alone without companionship and feel they are no longer needed. Their support system plays a particularly important role in coping with their experience of loss.
When adults who are responsible for managing and maintaining the household and promoting the welfare of the family are overwhelmed by their grief, unable to function adequately in their usual roles, and experiencing relational conflicts, their family naturally experiences varying degrees of disorganization and disequilibrium. Surviving children are a source of comfort, but their presence does not mitigate parents' distress. For the initial few weeks after the child's death, relatives, friends, and neighbors may offer not only emotional support but assistance with household chores and A grieving couple in Warminster, Pennsylvania, arranges flowers at the grave of their teenage son who was killed during a video store robbery. Couples with strong marital relationships prior to their child's death appear to fare better in their bereavement. CORBIS child care. When they leave to return to their own routines, parents are left alone to face the new reality of having to live with the void left by the deceased child. Much of the time parents feel like they are in a daze and later do not remember how they managed to get through those early days of bereavement.
Parents cope with their grief one day at a time with frequent setbacks. Coping involves a combination of action and cognitive activity for relieving stress and mastering stressful situations. There is no one right way to grieve or to cope. Parents usually adopt a combination of strategies. Seeking release of tension is a necessity for most parents, given the enormous emotional turmoil the loss engenders. Emotional tension, if kept inside, does not disappear and may surface in ways that are destructive to individuals and their relationships. Parents, especially mothers, may relieve their tension through talking about their loss and crying. Other strategies to which parents turn to relieve tension include engaging in physical activities, keeping themselves busy, and expressing their grief in writing, art, and other creative activities. Many find relief in having something definite to do, which prevents them from becoming totally consumed by their grief and mired in depression. In general, coping strategies that direct parents' attention away from their tragedy appear essential and helpful during the initial weeks or months of acute grief. Total avoidance in facing the reality of loss and its pain, however, can complicate the grieving process. Parents also seek an understanding and validation of their experience through reading books about loss and learning about the experience of others in similar predicaments, which helps them diminish their sense of isolation and gain a perspective on their own experience.
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