THE HEAVIEST ELEMENT KNOWN TO MAN.

HFN: The Weekly Newspaper for the Home Furnishing Network, August, 2001

To the editor:

Investigators at a major research institution have discovered the heaviest element known to science.

This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad). This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no ...