Birthing with intensity

Special Delivery, Winter, 2006 by Molly M. Remer

After a few hours of regularly spaced practice contractions during the afternoon of May 28th, I woke at 12:45 a.m. finally having some real feeling contractions. I had tons of practice contractions throughout my pregnancy with Zander (including four different episodes earlier in May that lasted several hours each with contractions every 5 minutes or so, but not with that real-feeling edge to them).

When I greeted these contractions in the very early morning, I felt a distantly familiar sharper edge to them and a sort of "sick" feeling as they built and peaked, instead of the gripping tension of practice contractions. I decided I needed to use the bathroom and spent 15 minutes in there considering whether something was really happening or not (loose BM's made me think I could possibly just be feeling "cramps"). I was disappointed that I had no "show" or any promising discharge at all.

I told the baby that it was okay to come out and we were ready for him. I finally left the bathroom and paced around the kitchen watching the clock on the microwave and wondering if it was too early to wake up Mark. At 1:30 a.m., I woke him up to tell him, "Something is definitely going on!" I got out my birth ball and we worked through about 3 contractions together, chattering excitedly in between about when to call our support people. I told Mark about not seeing any "'show" yet and so it might not be the real thing after all. I rubbed my belly and said, "come out blood," got up to go to the bathroom and was pleased to see some nice bloody show!

I felt pretty hyper and cheerful and was trying to figure out when I could take a shower and so forth. The contractions picked up even more to what seemed like less than one minute apart. We stopped watching the clock after the first three contractions on the birth ball, which had gone from 5 minutes, to 4 minutes, and then 3 minutes apart. It was like watching a labor in fast forward! I decided there was no time for a shower, but brushed my hair and put it in a ponytail and after two more contractions, asked Mark to run and get my birth shirt and my birth bracelet (from my Blessingway ceremony).

It was about 2:00 a.m. at this point and we decided to call my mother and the midwife. I kept wanting to lean on something, but had trouble finding something that was the right height. I was compelled to lean on something though (the recliner was too rocky, the birth ball was too low). Mark suggested himself, so I hung on him during several back to back contractions and realized that I was starting to feel some pushy pressure. I felt like squeezing my legs together, but instead reminded myself to let my legs be open and to be a clear, open channel for birth. I also said, "It's okay baby, you can come out!"

My mother arrived at about this time (approximately 2:15) and shortly after, I dropped to my hands and knees with my head and arms leaning over the birth ball. I quickly decided 1 felt like I was "standing on my head" and so pushed away the ball and went to straight hands and knees with my head leaning on Mark and his arms around me. I kept saying, "This is MAJOR!" I was pushing a little at peaks of contractions and vocalizing loudly as well as continuing to talk myself down with an ongoing chant of, "It's okay, I'm okay, it's okay." I also made a joke about maybe only being 2 centimeters dilated.

I felt something drip and asked if it was fluid. My mother said "no" and I pushed again and my water broke with a soft warm gush (Morn said, "now it is!"). I asked if it was clear and it was. It was about 2:30 and I felt pushy in earnest. I soon started to feel some burning and knew the baby was coming soon. My son, Lann, woke at this point and joined us in the living room, held by my mother. I heard the midwife's car pull up at about 2:40 and Zander's head was fully crowning as she came in (no time for gloves!).

I was conscious of letting myself gradually push him out, waiting for each urge instead of pushing through it. I began to feel a tearing sensation in front. My midwife let me know as I eased out his eyebrows, then eyes, then nose, and entire head and then he blooped out at 2:45 a.m.! I sat down and she passed him around to me. I saw right away that he was a boy, just as seven different dreams had told me prenatally! My sweet new baby was all warm and slippery and covered with blood (me too! Even my feet!) The blood was from two labial tears, one sort of inner "split" and the other in the hood of the clitoris, right next to my previous unrepaired tear there. Perineum, normal and intact--I tear the "wrong" way instead. Lucky me.

Zander cried one small cry as he was being passed to me and then was quiet and snuggly. As he was born, Lann called out, "I like him! I like him!" Zander rooted around and nursed on both sides shortly after birth. The placenta followed spontaneously about 40 minutes after his birth. I could barely believe that after only two hours of labor, my baby was already here! Zander weighed 91bs 2oz and was 21 1/4 inches long with a nearly 15 inch head!