12 Other Reasons to Overthrow Saddam Hussein

Esquire, April, 2002 by Bruce Stockler

1. His favorite movie is Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. 2. He loves to push the "close doors" button in elevators when people are running and waving their hands. 3. He announces his sneezes. 4. He uses any excuse to employ the Arabic version of the phrase "That dog won't hunt." 5. He covers his favorite dirty magazines in plastic wrap.

6. He grunts ostentatiously whenever he throws a baseball. 7. He cheats at solitaire. 8. If he cries during a TV commercial, he claims to suffer from an allergy to house dust. 9. He calls men and dogs to whom he is introduced "ace" and "bud-dy." 10. He looks as if he's being cheated when he counts his change. 11. Sometimes he orders pizzas to be delivered to Ariel Sharon's office. 12. He confuses Donald Duck with Daffy Duck and Al Pacino with Dustin Hoffman.