The Borowitz Report: Shaq to Testify About Doughnut Abuse in NBA
Newsweek, March, 2005 by Andy Borowitz
Former L.A. Lakers and current Miami Heat star Shaquille O'Neal will testify before a Congressional committee investigating rumors of widespread doughnut abuse in the National Basketball Association, the chairman of the committee confirmed today.
With a new study showing that 200 out of 426 NBA players are overweight, the probe into doughnut abuse is "long overdue," said Rep. Tom Davis (R-VA), chairman of the House Government Reform Committee. "The NBA is an important contributor to the U.S. economy," Davis said in Washington today. "If NBA players are getting easily winded after one minute of play, the public has a right to know why."
Rumors about O'Neal's alleged doughnut abuse started in training camp this year, when, according to one source, "Shaq showed up...
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