How to Shampoo in French

Forget Iraq, Derrida, and Jerry Lewis. It’s time to turn our attention to the principal remaining obstacle to Franco-American understanding: French shampoo labels.

You know what I’m talking about. You’re in the shower at a beach or ski house, someone is knocking on the door for his or her turn, and you find that your hostess, worldly sophisticate that she is, has stocked the bathroom with hair-care products from the nation that thinks snails are snacks.

When told to Moussez, nettoyez et répétez, l’un quel est pour faire? (What is one to do?)

You, dear reader, are in luck. The author took two years of French in high school, and most of a semester in college. What follows is a handy reference guide that, if properly laminated, you can take into the shower with you to ...