Top Ten

ArtForum, April, 2000 by Dave Eggers

1 AL GREEN AT THE NBA ALLSTAR GAME It was not a well-known thing, that the Reverend Al Green would be singing the national anthem in the Oakland Arena before this particular All-Star Game. His presence was not indicated on the ticket, nor advertised in any noticeable way. Preceding him, singing the Canadian anthem, were the Moffatts, a quartet of teenage boys who were for some reason wearing hockey jerseys. They left the stage, and it was announced that singing the national anthem would be. The. Reverend. Al. Green. There were gasps, then cheers, particularly from the five large-bellied men in front of us, all from San Antonio, who whooped and strained to high-five each other. In the middle of the court, Green began. He sang in his most whispery falsetto. His voice faded, losing air at the end of each phrase--he was barely audible at times. But then, near the end, there suddenly was more. His full voice started emerging at "home," and then, at "of the," you could tell he was about to let go, and the split sec ond of anticipation sent a charge through the crowd, and then he did let go, at "brave," with his whole throat--he sang that word without doubt, loudly, loudly, in a ferocious baritone, carrying the note for ten, fifteen seconds, as the flag waved around on the chintzy digital screen, as everyone's bones melted and brains liquefied. No one expected Al Green, and no one expected Al Green to let his voice boom, but he did. The game, though, was terrible.

2 KAYO BOOKS (San Francisco) At the corner of Leavenworth and Post is a roomy and well-organized bookstore specializing in old genre paperbacks. Lots of detective stuff, army magazines, etc., but the place isn't cluttered--it's airy and light, which probably shouldn't make a difference but somehow very much does. My purchases: The Observer's Book of Heraldry, by Charles MacKinnon (Frederick Warne & Co., 1966); Corson of the JC: A Western Novel, by Clarence E. Mulford (Armed Services Edition, 1926); Rowdy Rhymes (Peter Pauper Press, 1952); and Facts You Should Know about Masturbation, by Leo Markun (Little Blue Book, 1931). All for under $40, and the parking nearby is not bad at all.

3 NORELCO 3405LC ELECTRIC RAZOR WITH DOUBLE ACTION SHAVING SYSTEM If you have a Braun electric shaver, please stomp your feet on it until it is broken into pieces. Braun makes a feeble razor that requires ten minutes or more to shave one's face, and the resulting shave is mediocre. The Norelco requires less than two minutes, start to finish, and the result? Such a clean, soft shave. If you have a Braun please drop something heavy on it.

4 FIONA APPLE ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Though her new album is nearly perfect and anyone who disagrees should be punched, her dance was annoying me. It was a broken, arm-flailing sort of dance, and her head was thrown down and her eyes closed, and it all seemed silly and made me uncomfortable. Then, then I thought of the alternative: that this singer of songs would simply stand there, waiting to sing again, without moving at all, or worse, trying to move in a way that seemed disinterested, cool, in some manner dignified. Then I thought of dignity, and whether or not she or anyone should ever try to act with dignity, and decided then and there that I did not like dignity much at all. Dignity is a cop-out. Dignity is for pussies.

5 DENTAL LAB PRODUCTS As far as dental lab product periodicals go, this is the blue-ribbon champ. I read it mostly for the ads, which are extremely colorful and feature fantastic pictures of teeth and fillings. The last issue I have also has a great article on gold C&B Substructure Technique, and a pretty inflammatory piece about how confusing OSHA's ergonomic compliance recommendations are, especially vis-a-vis the cause-and-effect relationship of workplace musculoskeletal disorders.

6 MUSEO DEL HUMOR (San Antonio de los Banos, Cuba) In this smallish town, about an hour from Havana, on an unassuming street, is this small but perfect museum. It houses a wide-ranging array of mostly political cartoons from around the world. Will you find any caricatures of Fidel here? No. No, but a surprising amount of quality work from Slovenia and Albania.

7 "SEEING IS BELIEVING: 700 YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC AND MEDICAL ILLUSTRATION" (New York Public Library) The show's only weakness was its brevity.

8 SCHOOL OF VISUAL ARTS MFA OPEN STUDIOS These shows can be so painful, but this one was so encouraging. Bradd Skubinna cuts tiny trees out of Burger King bags, uses subtle lighting to cast gentle shadows, and the results--remember, Burger King bags--are spectacular. Ruby Palmer, whose studio walls bore a series of nouveau-cubist miniatures, had recently completed a huge, three-dimensional extrapolation of herself smaller, and it was really something. You could walk into it. There were a number of other students doing great stuff--I'd venture to say it was a 3:1 ratio, very good work to still-needing-work work--but I lost most of my notes, so can't name names. The point is that the school is producing some very smart artists, so please go buy their art and make them all rich.