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Celebrating or surviving? Advice to soothe the season's stress - Self-Esteem Section

American Fitness, Nov-Dec, 1993 by Bobbi Moreno

As the holidays approach, you won't be able to pick up a magazine without finding the latest stress-reducing techniques. Shop early, delegate tasks and start writing holiday cards by Thanksgiving, they advise. While helpful to combat the stress and exhaustion of last-minute chores, these tips won't permanently alter holiday expectations.

Outside stressors of course will not change, but learning to nurture body and spirit and approach the holidays from a new perspective can reprogram our perceptions of them. The season can be a celebration again rather than something to survive.

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My niece is an energetic dynamo who, in addition to balancing a job, family and holiday preparations, sells her homemade fudge to a well-known candy store. I become tired just listening to her schedule. We all know people who seem to run circles around us. So what? You must appreciate and value your own accomplishments. If you judge yourself against what you think others are achieving you rob yourself of personal joy.

Have a Good Laugh

or Cry

During the holidays, intense emotions abound. Giving in to these feelings is healthy. A Stanford Medical School study found after a good laugh, blood pressure, heart rate and muscle tension subside, leaving you in a relaxed state. As Norman Cousins discovered and wrote in his book, Anatomy of an Illness, "When you laugh, endorphins, the body's natural pain-killers, are released."

Ironically, to enhance opportunities for joy we sometimes have to allow time for sadness. We need to experience all emotions, rather than attempt to negate the painful ones.

For years I was not aware of the depth of my sadness over my sister's death, resulting in unexpected bouts of depression throughout the holidays. I now have a ritual which allows me to experience the sadness of the loss, after which I can find joy in the holidays. As I play Christmas carols, I sit down and have a good hard cry, letting the grief pour out. Afterward, I feel more at peace than I would have if I had repressed my feelings.

"People feel better after crying," says William Frey II, Ph.D., a biochemist and research director of the Dry Eye and Tear Research Center at St. Paid-Ramsey Medical Center in Minnesota. Frey theorizes tears remove the chemicals that build up during stress.

It is equally important to share feelings with others. Having someone special who is willing to listen offers needed support and catharsis. "People with confidants arc less likely to be affected by stress," says Sheldon Cohen of Carnegie-Mellon University. The key is to do what nourishes your spirits, at your own pace and in your own way.

Sidney Weissman, director of education in the department of psychiatry at Michael Reese Hospital and Medical Center, cautions us to watch out for "shoulds." We can get so caught up in traditions we don't stop to question whether the rituals bring enjoyment and value to our lives. "Try to find out what the needs of your immediate family and yourself are," suggests Weissman. "Stick to what is truly important." When you adjust your priorities and plan your schedule accordingly, large amounts of stress will evaporate.

Become comfortable with the reality that during this hectic season, it may not be possible to maintain a sparkling house, prepare meals nightly or spend as much time with your usual responsibilities. Placing undue burdens on yourself will not make you a better person. Relax and accept yourself as a human being with frailties and strengths. This is an important step to ridding yourself of the "be perfect" script so many of us feel subjected to. It isn't necessary or healthy to constantly strive to please others. Replace "this is who I should be" with "this is who I am." Become your own best friend and protect yourself as you would your loved ones.

Know Your Body Clock

We each have an inner dock which determines what times of the day or evening we are most productive. Don't impose undue pressure on yourself by trying to maintain the same schedule as others. If you're an early morning person, enjoy writing your cards in those peaceful hours while everyone is still asleep. If you're always the last one to bed, choose that time to wrap presents. Accept your personal idiosyncrasies and work within that framework for greater ease and efficiency.

Nutritious eating, regular exercise and adequate sleep help fight fatigue and stress while undertaking additional holiday responsibilities. During this time, go beyond basic self-care strategies to obtain a feeling of well-being. Soak away anxiety in a warm bath, splurge on a massage or pick up that article you've been wanting to read. These small treats require only short blocks of time and can do wonders for your morale and self-esteem.

In the quiet weeks that follow big holidays, take time to reflect and re-evaluate what worked well and what you might have done differently. The best gift you can give yourself and family or friends is your relaxed, nourishing company to create peaceful, happy memories.

Celebrating or surviving? Advice to soothe the season's stress - Self-Esteem Section

American Fitness, Nov-Dec, 1993 by Bobbi Moreno

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