Children's medical malapropisms - The Art of Medicine

Journal of Family Practice, Nov, 2002 by Howard J. Bennett

Many articles have been published over the years documenting the colorful range of malapropisms uttered by patients, transcriptionists, and, even physicians. (1-7) Recently I discovered that children can dislocate medical language as well as the best of them.

I had just finished seeing a 4-year-old girl with dysuria who had a normal urinalysis and a mildly red introitus. When I told the child's mother that her daughter's urethra was irritated, the girl said, "It's not your rethra, it's my rethra."

After this encounter, I started asking children at routine visits to repeat medical phrases and was surprised at how many complicated words they pronounced well. On the other hand, a fair number of words and phrases were turned on their ears.

The table below contains malapropisms spoken by 3- to 5-year-old patients in my office. The column on the left shows what I said to the child. The center column indicates the child's response. In the third column, I added my own whimsical interpretation of the child's response.

TABLE

What I said                 What the child said

Pyogenic granuloma          Pyogenic granola
Syncope                     Sickapee
Cystic duct                 Cystic duck
Bradycardia                 Brady coroner
Moro reflex                 Moral reflex
Transient ischemic attack   Transient schematic attack
Papilledema                 Papal edema
Pruritus                    Purritis
Myocardial infarction       Myocardial infraction
Incompetent cervix          Incompetent service
Hemoglobin                  Hemogoblin
Bezoars                     Bee's oars
TB test                     TV test
Toxic shock syndrome        Toxic sock syndrome
Ipecac                      Ipecat
Pleural effusion            Pleural allusion
Paresthesias                Paris fevers
Incontinentia pigmenti      Incontinent piggy
Tarry stools                Tardy stools
Growth potential            Gross potential

What I said                 What it means

Pyogenic granuloma          Tainted snack
Syncope                     How nephrologists feel at the end of the
                              day
Cystic duct                 Bird with acne
Bradycardia                 Pathologist who does autopsies on the brady
                              bunch
Moro reflex                 A trait some politicians lack
Transient ischemic attack   Brief desire to do homework
Papilledema                 What the pope gets after being on his feet
                              all day
Pruritus                    Allergy to cats
Myocardial infarction       Eating too much fat
Incompetent cervix          What managed care gets you
Hemoglobin                  The person who draws your blood
Bezoars                     Tiny paddles
TB test                     Test to see whether a child is watching
                              "Barney" too often
Toxic shock syndrome        Result of typical male adolescent foot
                              hygiene
Ipecac                      Treatment for kids who get into the cat
                              food
Pleural effusion            Fluid that only a radiologist can see
Paresthesias                Response to the city that tingles
Incontinentia pigmenti      Reason pooh won't play house with piglet
Tarry stools                Indication for mineral oil
Growth potential            Ability of 8-year-olds to tell sick jokes

REFERENCES

(1.) Hale PN. Cheyanne strokes. N Engl J Med 1964; 271;161.

(2.) Palarea ER. Rare disease registry. N Engl J Med 1964; 271:476.

(3.) Rosenbloom AL. Serendipitous neologisms. Clin Pediatr 1972; 11:496-7.

(4.) Reid D. That's what you dictated, doctor! Med Econ 1973; 50(Oct 15):143.

(5.) Dirckx JH. Doctor, I'm (sic). Am J Dermatopathol 1992; 14:369-71.

(6.) Kenyon TM, Davis SW. Medical malapropisms: the sequin J Fam Pract 1995; 41:193-4.

(7.) Kartman A. More malapropisms. J Fam Pract 1995; 41:228.