School stress - eight easy ways to help your child

Pediatrics for Parents, Sept, 1989 by Patricia Solbach

SCHOOL STRESS - EIGHT EASY WAYS TO HELP YOUR CHILD

Janey is a bright, happy six-year-old. But on some weekday mornings before the school bus arrives, Janey can be heard complaining that her head is beginning to hurt. What's the matter with Janey?

A recent Menninger Clinic study on children and stress has found that school stress is the biggest trigger of headaches for Janey - and thousands of kids like her. "Whether the complaint is headache, stomachaches or just not feeling good, parents should be alert that their child may be having trouble adjusting to school pressures," warns Dr. Joseph Sargent, Director of the Menninger study.

Developmental stress - part of the normal growing process - occurs in every child's life. For an infant, it means having to adjust to sudden movements and loud noises. A toddler must learn to cope with a new sibling. The school-aged child must adapt to many demands - achieving at school, taking tests, making friends, doing homework assignments, etc.

"When the stress becomes too great, stress overload can occur, leading to actual physical complaints by the child," notes Dr. Sargent. "Support from the family is a major influence on the child's ability to handle stress."

What can parents do to help their children cope better with school stress? The knowledge and experience of four experts - a child, a parent, a teacher and a child psychologist - were tapped to develop these practical and easy ways for parents to help their children.

Acknowledge that stress

will be with your children

throughout their life.

You can't protect them from stress forever but you can help them become skilled in using coping behaviors that will also last a lifetime.

The first expert, the teacher, recommends that parents begin by helping their children recognize when stress has gotten out of hand. Overeating, mood swings, insomnia, nervous twitches, and frequent headaches are just a few indications that something is not right. It's time to slow down and make changes in a heavily scheduled day, so that the child can relax and take part in a "fun" activity.

Talk with your child.

Discussing the problem accomplishes three important tasks. First, when children can talk about what's bothering them, it relieves some of the pressure. Usually, the stress can be seen in a different perspective.

Second, it assures your child that he or she needn't face stress alone. Let them know you've had similar pressures too. And finally the parent-child relationship is strengthened and a precedent is set for future productive talks.

"Talking with my mom about not having any friends at my new school helped me a lot. I've started talking more to several kids I really want to know," says the second expert, six-year-old Janey.

Join your child in reading

good books on stress that

are written for your

child's age level.

Check with the children's section of your local library for a list of recommended books. Another expert, the school psychologist, believes that through reading your child can better understand what is happening and can discover new ways to handle the stress.

Actively involve your

child in solving the problem.

"You can suggest, you can guide, but let your child be involved in deciding how to handle the stressful situation," advises the school psychologist. Remember, the problem is not the stress itself but rather your child's reaction to it. Building up a child's self-confidence by applauding his or her ability to cope with different situations will help more than changing the source of the stress.

Encourage and join your

child in physical activities

to release built-up

tension.

To get the full value of some form of active exercise - swimming, jogging, riding bikes, playing basketball - it needs to occur at least three times a week. "Nothing is as therapeutic as half an hour of being together and exercising at the end of my work and Kate's school day," explains the fourth expert, a parent.

Visit the school, meet

the teachers and other

parents, and attend

school functions.

"Seeing where your child spends most of his time helps you see the problem through his eyes," comments the teacher. Your active involvement tells the child you really care.

Learn and practice some

stress management exercises.

Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises, can be learned through programs offered at your doctor's office, a local hospital or a mental health center. Self-help books available in local libraries or bookstores can also be helpful. "I found that focusing on my breathing patterns for one minute helps me slow down and relax," notes the parent. And don't be afraid to ask your family doctor or other health care professionals for help. It's better to get help early before stress builds to a crisis level.

Show by example.

Your child learns from imitating you. Think about how you react to stress. "If you're coming home from work tense and irritable, then you need to make some changes too," advises Dr. Sargent. "Most often, the whole family can benefit from a stress management program."