instant massage

Vegetarian Times, Feb, 2001 by Valerie Latona

This Valentine's Day, get romantic with the perfect hands-on gift

The lights were low, the lavender-scented candles were lit, and my husband and I were half-drunk on relaxation. No, we weren't staring into each other's eyes over an intimate dinner. We were lying next to each other on towel-draped massage tables at the Saddlebrook Resort & Spa, outside of Tampa, having oils rubbed into our skin and over our knotted muscles. I had signed us up for a "Couples Massage" because it sounded like the little bit of romance we needed.

At first, the thought of being in the room with anyone other than a licensed massage therapist was a bit unnerving. The whole point of massage, I thought, was to relax and get away from it all--and "all" included my cell phone and my husband. Why on earth would I want to get a massage with my husband in the same room, unless, of course, we were giving each other a romantic rubdown on our own. But the spa director convinced me that it was the perfect way to celebrate Valentine's Day. So while I was on one table getting my knots pummeled by a Hungarian masseur, my husband was on another table just two feet away having his stresses kneaded away by what appeared to be a very capable masseuse.

As delightful as the experience was, dropping upwards of $200 on a 60-minute experience is a luxury few of us can afford very often. Yet you can get all the advantages of a spa massage (and even more) by performing it on each other. "Massage, if done correctly, can be magical," says Vera Franco Dahm, Ph.D., a licensed professional clinical counselor and massage therapist in Dayton, Ohio. "It connects you to someone in a way that's impossible through words alone. And the best part is that the benefits are cumulative. The more you touch each other, the more you'll feel connected to the other person."

Learning the Ropes

We could all come up with a handful of reasons not to do massage on one another: it's too time-consuming, it's too complicated, the oils are too messy (to name just a few I've thought of myself). But the positive impact on your relationship far outweighs any possible complications. "With massage, people are calmer, more accepting and gentler with each other," says Franco Dahm. To reach that point of calm, try the following suggestions.

* Take a class first. Many organizations--such as yoga studios, continuing education programs or local massage training centers--offer couples classes where you learn the basic techniques of massage. They can also teach couples to communicate on a different level. "What typically happens is a woman will sign up for a class and drag her husband there," says Milwaukee-based couples massage therapist Susan Lorentzen. "Then he'll just sit there with his arms folded across his chest. You can see he's not happy--and, as a result, neither is she. But as things progress, couples begin to relate again. The classes frequently start with a simple hand massage with the couples seated and facing one another. By the end of class, the two are usually talking, smiling and holding hands."

* Do it at home. "Your home is your sanctuary, a place where you feel safe," says Franco Dahm. But don't do the massage in bed; it's too soft. Pile blankets on the floor, or, if you have a futon, give a massage there. (Just don't use the heirloom sheets, as some oils can stain.)

* Set the mood. Soft music is relaxing and quickly gets you in the right frame of mind. Dim the lamps and light some candles. Turn the phone off and, if you have kids, send them to Grandma's or explain that this is Mommy and Daddy's time to be alone.

* Keep it quiet. Talking can be disruptive. You'll be more relaxed if you set a no-talking rule. Communicate only through touch--unless touch is painful and needs to be adjusted.

* Use the right oils. "Essential oils of clary sage, jasmine, rose, sandalwood and patchouli traditionally are all believed to have certain aphrodisiac qualities," says Lorentzen. You can find massage oils with these scents or create your own. Mix several drops of an essential oil with one tablespoon of unscented massage oil. "You don't ever want to just pour oil on the person," says Lorentzen. "Warm it first by pouring a little bit into your hands and rubbing them together before applying to your partner's skin."

* Speak up if it hurts. "Different parts of the body require different pressure," says Lorentzen. "The back of the knees can be very sensitive, for example, so when you're massaging the calves, lighten up on the pressure as you're moving up the legs." And everyone is different. There's no right or wrong way.

* Save sex for later. "Touching often leads to sex, but it doesn't have to," says Lorentzen. By making massage a distinct and separate activity, your focus will be on relaxing and surrendering rather than giving and acting.

Stroke by Stroke

The best area to begin a massage is the back and shoulders, which hold a great deal of the tension and stress from everyday activities. Next move your strokes to the arms, buttocks, back of the legs and the feet. Finally, work your way back up the body and end by massaging the scalp. Then ask your partner to turn over gently so you can work on the front of the body--in the same direction (from the chest to the stomach and then to the arms, thighs, calves and feet), ending with a massage of the face.