Bites of passage: what you need to know when your teen goes vegetarian - includes list of resources

Vegetarian Times, Nov, 1997 by Lee Reilly

But all this confusion also presents an opportunity at a timely moment: the moment when a teen begins to define herself and make her way in the world.

THE ME I WANT TO BE

When Renee Walker moved to Redding, she had an opportunity most teens only dream about: the chance to recreate herself. "I felt like, this is a new me; no one knows me," she recalls. "It was neat meeting and shocking new people with the fact that I don't eat meat."

Although it may shock some, choosing at age 14 to eat differently from your family--and your friends--is actually a normal thing to do, characteristic of a time of life rife with questions of right, wrong, how to fit in, how to be different and how to be oneself. The task of the teen years is to create an independent identity, to become a whole person who is psychologically distinguished from, but still attached to, the family.

"Adolescents get an extremely bad rap," observes Chicago-based psychologist Jennie Zeisz, Ph.D., who with her colleague, Blake Bowden, Ph.D., recently studied the feelings and experiences of 1,200 teen-agers. Real rebellion is rare among girls, she says; much more common are exploration and testing. From this perspective, going vegetarian is less akin to body piercing and breaking curfew than it is to refusing to purchase anything packaged in Styrofoam. "It's a matter of testing out a voice, of testing out beliefs," says Zeisz. "If we, as adults, took the time to look at the internet and read those animal-rights brochures, we'd be grossed out too." The magic, says AOL's Coughlin, lies in the teen's course of action: "To think that you can change the world by changing what's on your plate!" she says. "Did you think that way when you were a teen? I think it's really cool."

There are other interpretations, however. In Reviving Ophelia (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1994), psychologist Mary Pipher suggests that girls victimized by a media-drenched world often choose vegetarianism because they relate to the victimization of animals; their choice reflects their attachment to creatures even more vulnerable than they are. Passion over animal rights may well reflect a girl's heightened sense of defenselessness in her own life, a sense she is unsafe in the world. But in both Coughlin's and Krizmanic's experience, the choice to become a vegetarian usually comes from a position of strength. "It's a celebration of life," says Krizmanic. "It's something to be admired."

A MEETING OF MINDS

The good news: After initially feeling disconcerted, most mothers agree with Krizmanic. Says Renee Walker's mom, Maureen, "I will do anything to help Renee; she feels so strongly about this. Of course I'll support her." But support means more than just thinking the idea of being a vegetarian is great. Support means interaction--taking part in your daughter's options and her experience.

"Engage your daughter in her choices," says Zeisz. Discuss her choices and their impact on the family. And then take action: involve her in learning to solve the issues that are going to crop up. "The research tells us that teens want to be valued; they want to have a voice in the relationship with their parents," says Zeisz, adding that in her study the girls who felt they had less of a voice were the ones most likely to be depressed.