Nurturing that old-time religion: guarding the spiritual life of your aging parent

Vibrant Life, Sept-Oct, 2004 by Irene Martin

As an Episcopal priest, I frequently visit residents in nursing homes and other similar facilities. I often find there's a great spiritual hunger in those who are facing their later years. Many agencies, recognizing the role they play in the spiritual and emotional well-being of their clients, encourage area churches and local pastors to provide worship services and pastoral visits. Some employ a full-time chaplain. But not all facilities are involved in such programs, even though access to spiritual care is a patient's right.

If religious observance has been a strong part of your parent's life, care for his or her spiritual needs after entering an extended-care facility is of utmost importance. I often encounter new residents who greatly fear being abandoned by their churches because of their changed circumstances. By extension, they also fear that they've been abandoned by God. Allow me to share some ideas with you on how to enhance your loved one's spiritual wellbeing in their new home.

DO A LITTLE RESEARCH

When choosing a facility, find out what religion-based services they offer. Is there a chaplain on staff or one available? Are regular worship services conducted by a variety of clergy; and when and where are they held? Is there a chapel, or do services take place in a dining room or other location? Can visitors attend? Will residents have access to large print Bibles or Scriptures on tape? What about Bible studies or prayer groups? Make your parent aware of this information, and encourage him or her to be a part of the spiritual program if they choose. Take time to connect with the activity staff to ensure that your loved one is included.

If your parent attended a local worship center, be sure to let the clergy and other members of that congregation know when he or she enters a care facility. You'll be doing the clergy a great favor, because current federal confidentiality laws restrict access to such information. Without notification, they may not know what has happened to their parishioner.

Encourage local church members to visit. And, whenever possible, bring your parent back to the home church for services. If that's not possible, encourage mom or dad to attend programs provided by their care facility, even if they're not a member of the same denomination. Christians from several faith groups attend services I conduct at a local nursing home, and the different perspectives enrich our worship together.

COMING HOME

If you've moved your parent from a distant community to be closer to you, inform the local church of your parent's choosing that he or she is now in the community. Many faith groups have teams who'll gladly welcome your parent into their fold by establishing a link with them.

Don't assume that the care facility will inform the church or even a visiting clergy of your parent's arrival. This is one detail you should supervise personally. Most clergy find it very frustrating when asked why they haven't made a pastoral call when, in truth, they didn't know the patient was there.

Even if your parent suffers from a form of dementia, spiritual life and connection remains a possibility. I'm always profoundly moved at how many nursing home residents remember the Lord's Prayer or old familiar hymns even in the late stages of Alzheimer's disease. Colorful pictures of stained-glass windows or tapes of religious music may prove helpful.

I'll never forget the elderly woman who'd been bedridden for months and not spoken during that time. One day while visiting her, I leaned over in an attempt to make eye contact. Suddenly she reached up, and in a clear voice, quietly said, "Help me, Jesus."

I can't count the times I've been saying the Lord's Prayer with patients who seemed completely unaware of my presence, only to have them join in part way through. I've learned that people who seem unreachable to us are not unreachable to God.

GIVE FAITH A CHANCE

While not all parents demonstrate spiritual yearnings that need attention, many do, even those who may have formed no attachments to a religious body prior to their arrival at a care facility. Providing for this basic need can open new doors in communication and relationships. It can also assure them of their value and dignity as human beings.

Residents of extended-care facilities must give up a great deal of their: former lives and possessions when they embark on this new chapter. Connection with the sacred should not be among the losses.

Irene Martin hopes this article will enable the children of seniors who are making the transition to care facilities to provide better spiritual nurturing for their loved ones. She writes from Skamokawa, Washington.