Taking positive steps

Physician Executive, Nov-Dec, 2004 by Charles E. Dwyer

In antiquity the Oracle at Delphi urged each to "know thyself." Socrates followed with the observation that "The unexamined life is not worth living." Aristotle called for a balance in creating the "good life" centering on the "golden mean."

In the second century A.D. Marcus Aurelius, emperor of the Roman empire (the closest the western world may have ever come to a philosopher king), reminded himself in his Meditations that, "We are troubled not by the things of the world but, rather, by our perception of those things."

Much more recently philosopher William James stated something similar by suggesting that the most important discovery in psychology of his day is that by changing the interior states of our minds, we can change the exterior dimensions of our lives.

And, of course, Norman Vincent Peale influenced millions through The Power of Positive Thinking.

Self-help sensation

Getting to know ourselves, deciding whether and to what extent we can--or are willing--to change/recreate ourselves, and discovering how to change ourselves has been of deep interest for millennia. A recent search of the book list on Amazon.com under the topic 'self-help' yielded 161,789 entries. The issues do not seem to go away.

Presumably everyone (or almost everyone) wants to experience the "good life" as they each define it. Yet, we were each raised in cultural and social environments that gave most of us a strong tendency to concentrate on the negative.

Early in life we are taught to focus on our problems, fears, tensions, anxieties, stresses, embarrassments, insecurities, inferiorities, guilt, shame, blame, anger, hates, hurts, bigotries, prejudices, intolerances, jealousies and impatience--in short, on what we don't like about others and the world (and perhaps, on occasion, ourselves).

I suspect that if you reflect on your own daily life you will find that:

* You are much more prone to place negative labels on people and situations than positive ones.

* You are much more focused on weaknesses both in yourself and others than on strengths.

* You rehearse your negative feelings with much more frequency, intensity and duration than your positive feelings.

We do this in many ways including with our self-talk, such as:

* "He really makes me angry."

* "I can't stand it when ..."

* "It really upsets me when ..."

* "She just drives me up a wall."

* "I'm really afraid of ..."

* "I really get jealous when he/she ..."

We are deeply aided and abetted in these negative pursuits by the media, which have a fascination with the negative. For example, an old saying around TV newsrooms is, "If it bleeds, it leads." Also, given the interests of the media, the negative appears to sell much better than the positive.

What do we gain from all of this negativity, for surely we would not pursue it unless in some way it seemed profitable to us?

Unfortunately, there appears to be a bountiful production that flows from a carefully tended pessimistic garden. And, the focus on the negative seems all the more reasonable and justifiable to us in the face of the recent acts and threats of terrorism.

But before the recent rash of terroristic concerns there were other threats: AIDS, environmental degradation, poverty, crime, drug abuse, battered spouses, civil rights violations, etc. And before these we had the threat of the bomb and nuclear war. And before that we had the great wars (I and II). And in between the wars, there was the Great Depression. And before that, the great plagues of history.

There are, it seems, always many serious issues to worry about and focusing on the worrisome appears to have some palliative value.

The focus on the negative helps us to justify the very feelings these concerns appear to generate.

* "Well of course I am angry about it. Anybody who cares would be, too."

* "I have a right to be angry."

* "I can't help how I feel. That's just the way I am."

All of that makes us feel better about ourselves. It justifies the negative feelings in ways supportive of our self-image.

Also, when the "infallible" beam of our judgmental searchlight spots a flaw in someone else, placing a negative label on that person or group provides a sense of superiority for us.

* "If he has an attitude, then surely I do not."

* "If she isn't a team player, then certainly I am."

* "If he is disorganized, then of course I am well organized."

* "If he's a real jerk, then clearly I am not since I would never place a negative label on someone else if that label applied equally well to me."

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Negative bond

Another benefit of a disapproving outlook is that it is a common device used in bonding with members of our reference group.

By the time we are 5 years old, we know a quick and certain way to gain the acceptance and approval, the security, safety and protection of our reference group, to demonstrate without question that we are truly each a member of the group.

All we need do is determine whom the group hates--who the "they" of the "we-they" are for the group and show disdain and contempt for them, blame them, criticize them, ridicule them, tease them, put them down. There are other ways to bond with our buddies, but this is the swiftest and surest.