Perfectly imperfect: "who can sustain perfection in a world with so much temptation? For me, it's more about sustaining motivation." - Weight Loss Diary

Shape, June, 2002 by Jill Sherer

News flash (to myself): I am not perfect. The signs of my imperfection are everywhere, or at east they were this month in terms of minding my own fitness.

It all started with the night I ate pizza. Acting on a repressed craving -- using it as a poor reward for the fact that I'm swimming in last year's T-shirts -- I probably ate half the pie, ruining my perfect food record to date. Fortunately, I was so nauseated from eating so much grease and cheese that I could only get down a small piece of chocolate cake for dessert.

Riddled with guilt and a stomach the size of a volleyball, I did double duty at the gym the next day, confessing all to my trainer, Michael Logan, C.P.F.T., M.E.S. His response was, "That's OK, Jill, just get back on track today and thank me in advance for a great workout." Then he put on some music and put 20 of us through a rigorous hour of kickboxing.

Unfortunately, my exercise record was the next to hit the skids. The week after the pizza binge, my brother and his daughters (ages 8 and 12) came to town for five days. We shuttled from museum to restaurant to movie to restaurant and so on, with yours truly as tour guide. Although we "ran around" a lot, I didn't get in much physical activity. Unless you consider starting the car, making beds and picking up after two young girls exercise.

My get-back-on-track plan went to pot the day they left, when I promptly came down with the flu. I knew I was done for when I got winded going down the stairs from my third-floor condo. For the first time in six months, I spent a week in bed, nose running, eyes tearing and ears ringing with the words, "Get back on track, Jill." That is, until the NyQuil kicked in and I dreamed of fighting dogs (but that's another column).

And so here I am. Finally on the upswing. Getting ready to ease back into my routine and prove that you can fall off the wagon, binge like the best of them (but I don't recommend it) and start over again.

Which is what I'm doing. Keeping a food diary and planning this week's much-missed exercise. Trying to make up for lost time. Still, I've learned something from the derailment. Mainly, that I'm changing. In the past I might not have been so forgiving of my sins or able to start over so quickly.

"It's important to realize that overcoming overeating is not about being perfect," says Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., the psychologist (who specializes in body image) I'm working with, "It's about knowing you'll go off track and developing the skills to get back on track faster so you can maintain long-term physical and emotional fitness. After all, it's not just your weight you're working on."

Frankly, being imperfect comes as a great relief. After all, who can sustain perfection in a world with so much temptation? I'm learning it's more about sustaining motivation and self-preservation. To me, that makes perfect sense.

For bonus diary entries from Jill and an online discussion forum, go to shape.com. Or, write to her at Shape Weight-Loss Diary, 21100 Erwin St., Woodland Hills, CA 91367.

RELATED ARTICLE: WHAT HELPED ME MOST

1. Visualizing. Before missing a workout or eating something unhealthy, I think about how I'll feel after. Usually, that stops me!

2. Accepting my imperfection. Hey, nobody expects me to be superhuman.

3. Drinking enough water, It not only helps with weight loss, but keeps my immune system fighting!

WORKOUT SCHEDULE

(during a normal week):

Walking: 40-60 minutes/once a week

Weight training: 30-60 minutes/3 times a week

Kung fu: 30-45 minutes/3 times a week

month 1 Height: 5'41/2"

Weight: 183 lbs.

Body fat: 37%

Estimated peak [VO.sub.2]: 31.9 ml; aerobic fitness level: average

Resting blood pressure: 120/76

month 3 Weight: 175 lbs.

Net pounds lost: 8

Body fat: 33%

Body fat lost: 4%

Estimated peak [VO.sub.2]: 40.5 ml; aerobic fitness level: above average (27% increase from previous test)

Resting blood pressure: 120/80

month 5 Weight: 169 lbs.

Net pounds lost: 14

Body fat: 32.7%

Body fat lost: 4.3%

month 6 Weight: 170 lbs.

Net pounds lost: 13

Body fat: 34%

Estimated peak [VO.sub.2]: 42.9 ml (6% increase from previous test)

Resting blood pressure: 102/70