How to stop being a pushover - Shape Your Life

You swear you're going to say no the next time someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, but when it actually happens, you wind up going along. If you're like most women, you have trouble saying no, says career and life coach Laura Berman Fortgang, president of LBF*InterCoach Inc. in Montclair, N.J., and author of Living Your Best Life (Tarcher/Putnam, 2001). "Women identify themselves primarily through their relationships and fear that disappointing someone will reflect badly on them," she says. But besides making you resentful, the added responsibility that comes with constantly saying yes saps your time and energy, causing stress, irritability and insomnia, making you more vulnerable to illnesses such as colds and digestive problems. Here are some fight-back tips from Fortgang:

SCENARIO #1 Your boss heaps more work on you than on co-workers.

HOW TO SAY NO Tell the boss you need to be out the door by a certain time. Ask for suggestions on how you might be more efficient, so she's forced to prioritize.

SCENARIO #2 You're already putting in several hours as a volunteer when the same group asks you to take on another project.

HOW TO SAY NO Say you'd be happy to do it -- if you could drop one of your other obligations.

SCENARIO #3 Friends or neighbors constantly invite you to parties to buy things you don't need or want.

HOW TO SAY NO Say you're tired of these parties, then invite everyone over and show them how to have fun without a sales gimmick.

COPYRIGHT 2003 Weider Publications
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