Reality TV therapy: whether you want a more exciting life, a better career or more confidence, reality shows can help you achieve your goals

Shape, June, 2004 by Angela Hynes

Knowing who was voted off Survivor, who got eviscerated by Simon on American Idol and who had a private date with the Average Joe is essential pop-culture knowledge these days. Include makeover shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Trading Spaces, and "surveillance" series such as Newlyweds, and it's easy to get a dose of reality TV every night of the week.

Though many of these shows appeal to our baser instincts, including our perverse pleasure in seeing other people embarrass themselves, there's good news for reality-TV addicts: Some experts say these programs actually have redeeming value. "There's much in them you can make use of," says Patricia Farrell, Ph.D., author of How to Be Your Own Therapist: A Step-by-Step Guide to Building a Competent, Confident Life (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary, 2002).

"You can learn vicariously by watching people overcome fears, strategize, assert themselves, acquire something they need and get people to cooperate with them," explains Farrell. She likens the process to the "cinematherapy" technique some psychologists use when they recommend certain films to patients: The movie's message becomes more acceptable because it's coded as entertainment. (For some other positive reasons we watch, see "Not-So-Guilty Pleasures," below.)

These shows often provide opportunities to gain insight from others' mistakes. "We tend to learn more about how to conduct ourselves from watching people fail than we do from watching them succeed," says M. Gene Ondrusek, Ph.D., a consulting psychologist at the Center for Executive Health at Scripps Memorial Hospital in La Jolla, Calif., and a former consulting psychologist for the first season of Survivor. (Ondrusek currently holds the same position on Fear Factor.) We see people solving problems and making decisions and think, "Wow, I would have done that differently." Then there are the extreme examples: Anybody who watched Jackass had to come away feeling a lot more normal. So you reinforce a positive sense of self when you say, "At least that's not me!"

the tube as growth tool

Reality television also can tap into what motivates and drives us. According to Pamela Brill, Ed.D., author of The Winner's Way: A Proven Method for Achieving Your Personal Best in Any Situation (McGraw-Hill, 2004), certain programs might be useful to you because they help you identify what needs, goals and issues you're working on. Maybe you want a more fulfilling life, better dating skills or career strategies that pay off. Perhaps you're looking for a push to work through your fears and go beyond your comfort level, or to feel more confident by improving your appearance or surroundings. "When you figure out what you want," Brill says, "think about what you could do to make it happen."

Perhaps this is reality television's most constructive use: to motivate us to become more engaged in our own reality. Here's how some of today's popular shows might inspire you to take action to change your life.

Your goal To challenge yourself and live a more exciting, less predictable life

Inspiration Survivor

Real-life action plan Take a volunteer vacation: You'll spend time in the wilderness building or repairing trails and paths, or perhaps participating in an archaeological dig. You'll also work with a team of like-minded people in some of the world's most beautiful backcountry. (And unlike Survivor contestants, you get fed and can take a change of clothes!) Find volunteer vacations at wildernessvolunteers.org, passportin time.com and sierraclub.org/outings/national/service.asp.

Your reward You'll get the Survivor experience without the fear of being voted off, as well as camaraderie and the satisfaction of knowing you've made a contribution.

Your goal To find the perfect partner

Inspiration The Bachelor

Real-life action plan Going on television to find love is not an option for most of us. But you can still be adventurous about meeting people. Rather than leaving love to chance (or to a TV producer), stack the odds in your favor by targeting singles groups that are based on interests and activities you enjoy rather than ones that focus just on dating. Start by checking out the Fitness Singles online dating service at fitness-singles.com.

Your reward You'll meet new people, take part in interesting and fun activities and increase your chances of making a lasting love connection.

Your goal To succeed in the corporate world or in your own business

Inspiration The Apprentice

Real-life action plan The appeal of The Apprentice is that highly competitive up-and-coming businesspeople get the opportunity to learn from--and eventually work for--an acknowledged master in his field: Donald Trump. Why not find your own mentor? If you work in a large company, approach a supervisor or manager who exemplifies the qualities and abilities you'd like to cultivate and simply ask for his or her help. If you're self-employed or just starting a business, contact SCORE (www.score.org), an organization of retired and working business professionals from various backgrounds who volunteer to help just-starting-out entrepreneurs.