Achieve your dreams: the real secret to your future success? Expect more of yourself. Here are six ways - life lessons

Shape, Oct, 2003 by Natalie Tannen

When Paola Del Favero, 36, set out to open a cafe on an empty gas-station lot by her home in Garfield, N.J., her family and friends told her she was, essentially, crazy. "They all said that it was a hard business to go into. Some swore I'd close within the first year," she recalls. Del Favero's dream was a reach; although she'd had eight years' experience working as a general manager at a chain restaurant, she lacked the overall know-how needed to run an eatery from soup to nuts.

Two years later, Roseee's Filling Station is so profitable and popular that Del Favero has opened a side business as a caterer. And all those naysayers? They come in all the time for her penne alla vodka--and eat their words while they're at it.

Perhaps you've grown up thinking that setting realistic, doable goals is essential to success. And to some extent, that's true; reaching for something completely out of the realm of reality can be an exercise in frustration. Still, experts say that setting your sights high can help you score success in ways that having more conservative goals can't, whether you want to complete a triathlon, get a promotion or sock away extra money in savings every year. In fact, recent research has found that couples with the highest expectations for marriage have the highest-quality relationships.

"People sometimes give themselves 'weeny' goals--they play it safe so they don't fail," notes Talane Miedaner, author of Coach Yourself to Success (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books, 2002). "But the bigger the goal, the more likely you are to achieve it."

Medium-sized goals often just aren't as motivating; by taking on a real challenge, you give yourself extra focus, drive and energy to move forward. The key is to choose a goal that's big enough, but not so out-there that it's totally impossible to achieve. The best ways to go for your personal gold:

1. Write down your desires. Simple, sure, but getting the goal out of your head and onto paper moves it from the realm of fantasy into one of feasibility.

2. Take baby steps. Establish mini-milestones, and with every one you reach, you'll get a surge of confidence and motivation to keep going. Come up with at least four subgoals, then break those down into weekly steps; make sure you write them into your planner.

3. Show yourself the way. Before Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of the hit book Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy (Warner Books, 1995), made it big, she reportedly cut out a New York Times bestseller list, pasted her name onto the No. 1 spot and posted it on her computer. Visual aids--be they sticky notes on your refrigerator inscribed with words of encouragement, or a picture of your dream home--may seem childlike, but you're programming your brain to believe in them.

4. Build a support system.

Say you're training to run your first marathon; enlist a jogging partner to come knocking on your door every morning to get you motivated--and moving. "Lofty goals can be scary," says Maryann Troiani, Psy. D., a clinical psychologist in Barrington, III., and co-author of Spontaneous Optimism: Proven Strategies for Health, Prosperity and Happiness (Castlegate Publishers, 1998). "When the going gets tough, your support system will kick in."

5. Learn how to deflect deterrents.

Negative comments from friends and family may be well-meant, but they can bring you down. Head off discouragement by telling people, "I need you to be my cheerleader. If you can't, please don't say anything at all." Troiani, who calls such negative types "emotion vampires," points out that you don't need to inform the world what you're up to. The fewer people who know, the less resistance you'll get.

6. Don't be afraid of failure.

As Miedaner puts it, "If you shoot for the moon and end up in the stars, that's not such a bad thing."