Get a life : they can help you begin a new career, start a weight-loss program, reduce stress and, mostly, get more from life - coach

Shape, Nov, 2002 by Annie Murphy Paul

Jill Silverman knew it was time to make some changes. Four years ago, the then 31-year-old Boston resident was 50 pounds overweight, the result of too much junk food and too little exercise. She was stuck in a job she didn't like, doing marketing for a financial-services company. "I knew it wasn't my thing, but I didn't know what was," she explains. "I just knew that I wanted work that was more meaningful and fulfilling." And though she was aware that she'd fallen into a rut, she didn't know how to pull herself out.

A friend recommended a life coach to her. So Jill called Nashua, N.H.-based coach Christine ("Chrissy") Carew and told her everything: all her unrealized dreams, all the obstacles that lay in her way. "We can fix this," Carew told her. They began weekly half-hour coaching sessions, held over the phone.

For people with problems like Jill's, life coaching is an increasingly popular solution. Whether they're contemplating a big change or just want to make their current lives more satisfying, coaching can help them accomplish their goals more quickly. "Coaches don't tell you what to do," says Beth Rothenberg, a life coach based in Los Angeles. "They help you figure out what you want, and support you as you go after it."

A coach can play any number of roles -- mentor, motivator, cheerleader, consultant -- but one thing she is not is a therapist. "A lot of traditional therapy deals with feelings and issues from the past, with why you are the way you are," Rothenberg explains. "Coaching deals with hows: how you can move on from where you are and make change. It's action-oriented, and concerned with the present and future, not the past."

Serious problems -- like depression, eating disorders, sexual or emotional abuse, even financial crises -- must be treated by a qualified professional: a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a physician, a financial adviser, not a coach.

What exactly is your dream?

What coaches are good for is helping you get clear on what you want out of life. "Some people don't have definite goals -- or they have too many, and their energies are spread too thin," Rothenberg says. Others have borrowed their aspirations from their parents or from popular culture, and have never stopped to see how well those dreams fit into their own lives.

Once you've mapped out where you want to go, the coach helps you find out how to get there. "Many people have an end in mind, but they just can't seem to reach it," Rothenberg points out. "A coach gets you to jump over that gap." To help you make the leap, coaches often devise "action strategies": tasks you can perform right now to bring you closer to your goal. Each time you check in with your coach, you'll update her on the progress you've made - a routine that helps keep you on track.

Through it all, a coach provides a steady stream of encouragement and reassurance. "A good coach will help you stay focused on your ultimate objective, especially when you're in the middle of making difficult changes," says Ellen McGrath, Ph.D., a psychotherapist who also works as a coach.

Don't settle, demand more

Some coaches have degrees and specialize in particular areas, such as workplace issues or body-image problems; others are generalists (without specialized degrees), ready to help with most any kind of everyday challenge. You may meet your coach face to face initially, but most coaching is done over the phone, in hour or half-hour sessions, usually once a week. (Some coaches even offer "e-coaching," done by e-mail.) Most coaches charge by the month; $200-$450 for a month of weekly half-hour calls is typical. Coaches may ask that you commit to a minimum number of sessions; beyond that, your relationship with your coach lasts as long as you feel you need it.

Many coaches follow an approach similar to the one taken by Chrissy Carew in her work with Jill. First, she helped Jill clarify her values and priorities: What did she really want out of life? Jill knew she wanted a job in which she'd be working closely with other people, perhaps children. She knew she wanted to get in shape, and she wanted to have more plain old fun in her life. Next, they looked at some of the beliefs and habits that were holding her back. Jill was working 60-hour weeks at the financial-services company, leaving her little time to think about alternative careers or to work out and prepare healthful meals. (In fact, she had quit her gym membership because she went so infrequently.)

Following the action strategies that Carew suggested, Jill rejoined the gym and hired a personal trainer. She cut back her hours at work, and began volunteering at a local preschool. Jill reported her progress each week to her coach, and Carew cheered her on, supporting her as she made bigger and bigger changes: revamped her diet, quit her job, enrolled in graduate school.

Today, four years later, Jill, now 35, says she feels like a different person. She's dropped 50 pounds, thanks to a sensible diet and regular hour-long runs. And she's now working toward a master's degree in social work, with the goal of becoming a psychotherapist. "I got so much help from Chrissy," Jill says, "that it made me want to turn around and help others myself."