Beat the holiday blues: this month's problem; You fall into a funk every year as the winter festivities approach. Here's how to keep your spirits bright throughout the season

Shape, Dec, 2004 by Stacey Colino

The Challenge

To recognize what about the season triggers the blues for you and to take pre-emptive action to help you keep your good cheer--and your sanity--from Thanksgiving to New Year's

Nearly two-thirds of women say they have suffered from depression this time of year, to the point that they didn't want to participate in activities like partygoing and gift giving, according to a survey by the National Women's Health Resource Center. During the holidays, "people find themselves stuck in the same depressive patterns year after year," says Herb Rappaport, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia and author of The Family Gathering Survival Plan (Running Press, 2000). "The worst thing you can do is get involved in self-pity."

The Solutions

* Assess your expectations. Many people become sad or depressed because they expect this time of year to be idyllic. "These expectations are either based on childhood or on a fictional view of what the holidays should be," Rappaport points out. Ask yourself what you're looking for in the holiday experience and whether it's happened in the past. If your vision seems overly lofty, bring it down to earth by focusing on what's within your control. Maybe this means concentrating on deepening your connection with one or two relatives at a family gathering rather than expecting the entire event to be joyful and conflict-free.

* Exercise personal choice. Who says you have to put on a happy face and make an appearance at every holiday party? The idea isn't to hole up and become a Scrooge but to realize that you do have choices. "People often feel imprisoned by family dynamics and traditions," Rappaport says. "If you can embrace the fact that you've decided to check out for a day or two--and stay home and watch old movies or clean out your closet--you can feel good about altering your holiday experience and enjoying it."

* Do something for someone else. One of the best ways to cure the blues any time of year is to extend your generosity and energy to others, Rappaport says. Step outside yourself with an altruistic act such as volunteering at an animal shelter or get a group together to sing carols at a nursing home.

* Count your blessings. Start each day by taking stock of what's good in your life. During the holidays, "people often get into a very envious state of mind, wishing they had a different body or a different family," Rappaport says. "When you pay attention to the positives in your life, it creates a sense of optimism and hope."

The Payoff

By taking a proactive approach to discovering the source of your winter blues and trying to change the patterns that contribute to your distress, you'll protect your emotional well-being, and you'll imbue the season with greater personal meaning. "Living your life in accordance with your values will give you a sense of authenticity and gratification," Rappaport says, "because you're being true to yourself."

1-minute shapeovers

before                         after

** You feel overwhelmed        ** You say yes only to invitations
   by all the parties and         from people who are the most
   open houses you've been        important to you and bow out of
   invited to attend this         the rest.
   month.
** You look back on the        ** You make a concerted effort to
   year and feel                  think about what was good about
   disheartened by all the        this year and what you can make
   things that didn't turn        better in the next.
   out your way.
** You're having a personal    ** You contact family members you
   pity party because you         get along with and devise a plan
   dread spending so much         to make this year's gathering
   time with your difficult       more harmonious.
   family.

Stacey Colino enjoys celebrating the holiday season with her husband and two sons in Chevy Chase, Md.