Is fear keeping you fat? Hidden anxieties could be sabotaging your attempts to lose weight and keep it off. Here's how to identify your unrecognized emotional roadblocks and get past them

Shape, Feb, 2005 by Alice Lesch Kelly

Fear No. 3: Being considered selfish

Losing weight requires intensive self-focus, time and energy. For example, you should exercise for at least 30-45 minutes a day, five times a week. Smart eating demands careful planning, shopping and preparation. You actually may fear that others, such as your spouse, kids, parents, friends or co-workers, will resent you for the time you invest. "Women feel guilty taking care of themselves," Cooke says. "They are used to caring for others, but feel uncomfortable focusing on their own needs."

Fear fighters

* Accept that exercise and smart eating are not frivolous luxuries, but something you owe yourself in order to be healthy.

* Explain to your family and friends that devoting more time to yourself will lead to more energy, improved health, better moods and, quite possibly, a longer life. Help them understand that even if they may have to make some short-term sacrifices--for example, you will be cooking fewer of their favorite high-fat meals--they too will benefit in the long run.

* If family support is lacking, create an outside "cheerleading" squad. This can consist of friends, an exercise instructor, your doctor, a dietitian, an in-person or online weight-loss support group--anyone who genuinely wants to see you succeed.

Fear No. 4: Greater expectations

People often blame all their troubles on their weight. When you shed pounds, you may expect everything else in your life to get better--your love life, friendships, career, perhaps even your finances. If those areas don't improve, you no longer have your weight to blame, and you must face the fact that your abilities or behavior, rather than your weight, may be the true cause of your troubles.

"As you lose weight, your expectations change," Musante says. "If you have doubts about your own abilities, this can become very frightening. Sometimes it's easier to hang your problems on the extra weight." You may also assume that if you succeed at weight loss, others will expect more from you too.

Fear fighters

* Be realistic about what problems your weight does and does not cause. If you fail to get a job offer, be frank with yourself: Was it because of those extra 20 pounds or because your resume needs work?

* Question whether people actually will expect more of you if you slim down. You may be projecting your own perceptions on others and overestimating their expectations.

* Respond firmly if someone happens to voice higher expectations of you. If your mother says, "I'm so glad you're losing weight; now you'll finally be able to catch a man," tell her that you are no more or less lovable now than when you were heavy.

* Learn to "reframe" your thoughts. For example, when you find yourself thinking, "Everything would be so much better if I could just lose a few pounds," tell yourself, "If I lose weight I will feel better and be healthier, but weight loss is not a cure-all."

RELATED ARTICLE: What your fear looks like

If your fear is hidden, how can you tell if it is what's sabotaging your weight loss? "When you have repeatedly attempted to lose weight but failed, and if you find you're sabotaging yourself, there's probably fear involved," says Edi Cooke, Psy.D., a psychologist at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Another possible clue (though medical causes might be at work here): You lose some weight but then level off and don't know why you can't make it to your (realistic) goal.