When MS tries to steal your holiday … - working it out

Inside MS, Oct-Dec, 2002 by Joyce Render Cohen

Does the mere mention of the word "holiday" throw you into panic? Before MS limited my energy, vision, and mobility, I looked forward to holidays. Eager to make everything look and taste special, I spent hours poring over cookbooks and magazines for ideas and recipes. After several exacerbations, I felt overwhelmed and angry about what I could no longer do.

Acceptance has come slowly, but over the past 16 years I have gotten smarter. I no longer let MS rob me of the holidays. Here is what I have learned to do:

Plan a strategy for combating fatigue

A few weeks beforehand, make a list of everything that needs to be done and map out a timeline. Schedule rest breaks for yourself! A general rule is 10 minutes of rest for each hour of activity. Then match the activities to your energy level. I do best either early in the morning or later in the evening.

I now try to do much of the work well before the event. I bake and cook way ahead, then freeze things. I may even start the table setting a day or two in advance. Another solution may be to use paper or plastic dinnerware. I dropped the rolled and decorated sugar cookies long ago. But cookie exchanges don't panic me. Bar cookies are much less work. I use mixes--and dress them up with extra touches, such as marshmallows, nuts, chips, and dried fruit.

Give everyone, both family and guests, specific assignments with a timetable

Whether it's shopping, cooking, cleaning, or gift wrapping, no one need be excluded from pitching in to help. Talk over your timeline with your family members. Even if you encounter initial resistance, when work is shared it turns into fun.

Decide what's important to you and what you most enjoy, then find a way to do it

Gathering the family here at our house is the most enjoyable and comfortable part of the holidays for me. Creating a pretty table setting and preparing the main dish are now my limits, and I try to stick to that.

Know your limits

Pushing yourself will take all the pleasure out of the holiday and possibly leave you ill. Even people without health problems are rethinking holiday entertaining. Everyone is busy these days. Realize that you can't and don't need to do it all. This applies to your caregiver(s), too. It is equally important not to overtax or overstress those who already have a lot to do. Do your planning together and remember that the relaxed version of holiday celebrations is best for everyone.

Gifts

For a quick and easy shopping trip, buy presents from catalogs or online. I still like to patronize local stores, but I do my shopping over the phone. I've found salesclerks who are knowledgeable and they make it easy. Some places even have free delivery.

Decorating your home

Christmas trees and house decorations can either be assigned to a family member or be simplified. Don't overlook the beauty of a tabletop tree in place of a large one. If it isn't a holiday to you without a lot of decorations, make sure you put them away in an orderly fashion, for an easier time next year.

General energy saving

Sit while working whenever you can. Make sure work surfaces are the correct height. Use good body mechanics when lifting or carrying, keeping your arms close to your body, and using your legs, not your back.

What if you just can't do anything?

Call for help! Don't spend time on self-pity or regrets. Telephone your neighborhood high school or a nursing college if one is near. Some students do community service for little or no pay. Churches, synagogues, and social organizations are good sources for volunteers.

If cooking seems to be more than you can handle, consider buying all or part of the meal. Grocery stores, gourmet shops, and caterers can do the cooking. With advance notice some will even use your recipes. Garnished and put into your own dishes, no one needs to know that you didn't spend hours over the stove.

Eating excesses

When I feel stressed and tired, I tend to overeat. Then I feel worse. I find I can prevent overeating by getting enough rest. Limiting my sugar intake keeps me from feeling overtired, too.

The holiday blues

If the holiday didn't live up to your expectations and you are feeling down, talk to your doctor or seek out a therapist for professional help. Holidays can trigger serious depression.

Remember the true meaning

It's easy to get so caught up in the decorating and cooking that the real meaning of a holiday is forgotten. My family and I have gotten much joy by including people new to our community or those without family in our celebrations. Even if your energy is short, volunteering to help others will help you feel both thankful and useful.

I wish all of you happy, stress-free holidays!

Joyce Render Cohen is a frequent contributor to InsideMS, drawing on her many years of living well despite MS and its problems.