I watch TV so you don't have to

Store Equipment & Design, August, 2000 by Marilyn D. Cavicchia

I admit it--I love the idiot box. And I won't lie and say it's PBS specials or A&E biographies. I love the low- or middlebrow, the groaningly awful, the shows that make my husband shake his head and grab the nearest book. Shows like Supermarket Sweep. This inane but irresistible show airs weeknights on the relentlessly wholesome PAX network at 6 and 7:30. After a lame, product-themed introduction (example: "And now, a man who knows what Mrs. Butter's worth") the host bounds onto the fake-supermarket set, chuckling and grinning. Three equally fresh-scrubbed and thrilled-to-be-here pairs of contestants meet by a set of checkouts and compete in various word games involving grocery products to add time to their "sweep."

The sweep, the heart of the show, is a two-minute-or-so race through a conventional supermarket complete with fake produce, aisles full of grocery products and a meat department featuring enormous hams and turkeys. The object is to fly through the aisles, load your cart full of products priced according to how unwieldy (those hams and turkeys) or time-consuming (fresh-ground coffee) they are to scoop up, and then dash to the checkout counter with the highest total you can. The team that wins then goes on a scavenger hunt for specially marked products.

Aside from the fact that the shoppers are trying to rack up a huge bill, there are some moments on Supermarket Sweep that ring true. Let's hope shoppers are spending a little longer than two minutes in your stores, but the sight of crazed customers streaking blindly down the aisles, tossing items into carts and shrieking things like, "Oh, God, where's the butter? Where's the Land 'o Lakes butter?" may not seem all that strange to you. A play-by-play commentary gives highlights ("It looks like Denise and Valerie are both going for those big packs of Huggies") and some unintentionally useful insights. On one episode I saw, a petite contestant struggled to heft several giant cans of high-quality olive oil. "It's tough to lift those big cans from the bottom shelf," the voiceover said. No kidding. Think of this poor lady the next time you're tempted to put something both heavy and expensive down there.

It's also interesting to see how contestants find their way through the store. At the IDDBA show in Anaheim a couple of months ago, shopper behavior expert Paco Underhill presented video footage of people trying to find their way through a superstore. Time after time, the bewildered shoppers ignored the ceiling-mounted aisle signs, instead trying to locate items through context, looking at the products at eye level for guidance. That's exactly what happens on Supermarket Sweep. Time after time during the scavenger hunt bonus round, a contestant searching for a particular product will intuitively enter a certain aisle, cast a dazed, frantic glance, then throw up his or her arms in despair and run to the next aisle. What about your own frazzled shoppers? How much do those aisle markers help them, and should you perhaps add some directional signage closer to eye level? And, while it's true an overabundance of meal solutions centers and other such groupings may be more trendy than useful, it may be worth conside ring whether certain adjacencies are as logical and natural as they can be.

Even if you don't pick up any new ideas, Supermarket Sweep is still worth watching for a good, cruel laugh at others' expense. During one scavenger hunt round I saw, the clue mentioned "paper ruffles made by Mrs. Java's husband." "Mr. Charmin! Mr, Charmin!" screamed one contestant, dragging his befuddled teammate toward the toilet paper aisle. The product they really needed to find? Mr. Coffee filters, of course.

SCARY COMMERCIALS?

Does it trouble you that three major advertisers portray front-end employees as rude, careless, gum-chewing idiots? Maybe it should, given that commercials often use humor that taps into consumers' existing frustrations and anxieties. One commercial shows two knuckleheads trying to buy both a four-pack of toilet paper and a six-pack of beer. When they scrounge for change and come up short, guess which one they choose? Running behind this main joke is another one: The unconcerned attitude of the big-haired, smirking, chomping cashier. Meanwhile, two separate commercials--one for another brand of beer and one for Colombian coffee--show cashiers and baggers tossing groceries, including eggs, bread and other "fragiles," down the belt and mashing them to fit into bags. Everything except for the product in question, which is handled like a priceless vase, delicately lifted and ensconced in bubble wrap. How did two entirely different companies and/or ad agencies independently reach this exact same idea? They don't shop at your stores, do they?