Askcap'ndrew

Boat/US Magazine, Nov, 2002 by Drew Brown

Dear Cap'n Drew:

My wife and I are inviting all of our friends out on our 22-footer for an autumn cruise. What type of food should we serve?

-Confused in Dutchess

Dear Confused:

If all of your friends fit on a 22-footer, your problem isn't simply a matter of social etiquette. Try joining a social group and buying a few rounds.

Dear Cap'n Drew:

Please help settle an age-old debate. Who are better boaters, power-boaters or sailboaters? I own a powerboat and my best friend is a sailor. He insists that sailing requires more skill, but I can't see the difficulty in traveling at four knots. Please help.

-Rich in Yakima

Dear Rich:

As much as I hate to think it, sailors are typically more skilled at boating than power boaters. They must know how the winds and the tides work together. They have to learn which sails to use, and when. They truly have to learn to harness the forces of nature to propel themselves through the water in a skillful manner. This gives them a thrill that is a mystery to power boaters. Therefore, like all things we are unfamiliar with, we must treat them with fear and ridicule.

Dear Cap'n Drew:

I was recently informed that fois gras with a little insouciant white wine is better on hot, sunny yachting days while caviar is more favorable in cloudy weather. What do you recommend?

-Charles H. in Boca

Dear Charles:

W-h-a-a-a-a-a-t?

Dear Cap'n Drew:

How do I align the shaft and the engine on a 28-foot cruiser? The engine is a Chrysler 318 V-8 inboard with a straight shaft. I removed both the shaft and the engine in order to do some fiberglass work in my transom. Since I reinstalled it, the boat has had a wicked shimmy. I am afraid to push it up over four knots. How do I fix this?

-Milo in Tennessee

Dear Milo:

Let's clear up one thing right from the beginning--nobody uses the word "wicked" anymore. Even in the last "Wizard of Oz" remake, they described the Witch of the West as "bitchy." Secondly, why are you pulling things apart that you don't know how to reassemble? Didn't you ever get whacked as a kid for doing that to one of your parent's appliances?

Follow these instructions very carefully: First--take the straight shaft and graft it to the flux capacitor. Then run a link from that junction to the capacitor. Then run a link from that junction to the warp drive (this will prevent cavitation). You will now see a slight gap in the transmission flange. This is OK--simply install a left-handed sky hook (size 6) into the gap. This will eliminate the shimmy and ensure the smooth running of your boat. A word of caution: If you are able to complete this, please do your shake down cruise without your children.

Cap'n Drew Brown is the author of the boating humor book "What's A Hoy? A Guide to Modern Boating." Send questions via e-mail at www.capndrew.com.