A Sharp Opener

Entrepreneur, Sept, 2000 by Jerry Fisher

In sales-letter writing, it's the most important weapon for capturing your reader's attention.

So you want everyone to glom onto your sales letter? And you can't imagine why they wouldn't, because you have such a terrific product or service and a great message?

You can fubgeddaboutit ... unless your letter has an interesting headline and opening sentence. Take a lesson from e-mail marketers, whose online solicitations live or die by their subject lines and opening sentences.

That's my message to Sue McMillin of Georgetown, Kentucky, who runs consulting firm With Time To Spare, which specializes in office, home and computer organization. McMillin's letter is manicured and well-written, but, as any salesperson will tell you, those traits won't get you the contract.

A sales letter needs to provoke from the get-go, so start with a headline that compels the reader down to the opening sentence and then, hopefully, into the rest of the letter. The opening line must be short and provocative, and it should be set off as a paragraph. That way, the whole letter will appear easier to read, versus wordier three-to five-line opening paragraphs.

In the case of McMillin's letter, I'm suggesting a headline that reads, "Are Your Company's Lips Turning Blue?" Then the first sentence would expound, "In medicine, that's a sure sign of suffocation." The letter then explains why clutter and disorganization choke off productivity and profits. This new lead-in should give McMillin's missive a better hook to reel in prospects.

Jerry Fisher is a freelance advertising copywriter in the San Francisco Bay area and author of Creating Successful Small Business Advertising