Pins & Puns - brief notes - Brief Article

Bowling Digest, August, 2001

BOWLING BALLS KEEP COMING--some years there are as many as 100 new models. All in all, millions of balls have been manufactured in the more than 100 years since the development of organized bowling.

There seems to be an unwritten role not to discard bowling balls, so most of them just hang around. Many are given space--be it ever so humble--in closets, attics, basements, garages, or other storage facilities. They are loaned, given away, or bequeathed to fellow bowlers, family, or friends.

Pros are understandably almost fanatic when it comes to the tools of their trade. Some own more than 100 balls, and almost all have at least a dozen at the ready during events. Many pros use more bowling balls in a month than the average bowler uses in a lifetime. And in a difficult tournament, there are pros who use a new ball every day. Some have even been known to switch balls every squad.

Every bowling ball has been loved, hated, caressed, kicked, honored, and scorned. They have received heavenly praise and eternal damnation. Some bowlers talk more to their bowling balls than they do to family and friends. And long before there were pet rocks and such, there were pet bowling balls.

But what happens to old, unused balls? Where are they now? Bowling balls have been used in construction projects, as fill in foundations and walls. They have been used as special fences, in place of garden rocks. Bowling balls have been attached to chains and used as battering rams or dropped through chimney openings to loosen stuck objects. They even have been used as weapons.

Bowling balls have been made into clocks, plant holders, lamps, sculptures, fish bowls, play toys for pigs and other animals, table centerpieces, and used to hold down everything from paper to cars to boats to animals to people. They make great doorstops.

The most beautiful use of bowling balls came when they were formed to create the largest-ever set of rosary beads. And the silliest suggested use for a bowling ball? As the applicator for a roll-on-deodorant--for elephants.

The goal of every dedicated golfer is to at some time shoot his or her age for 18 holes of play. For example, a 65 at 65, 70 at 70, or 80 at 80. It's not easy.

Most bowlers easily roll their ages, at any point in their life--but more than a few have trouble bowling their weight.

Work is fine--if it doesn't take up too much of your bowling time.

Never strike a ball rack in anger, with your hands, feet, or head. If you hit your target, you may have won a little battle but lost a war.

WIBC Hall-of-Famer Paula Carter still teaches at some of the Don Carter centers. She tries to get all the young bowlers interested in the sport and wants them to have fun rather than aim for stardom, but every now and then she sees great potential in some of her charges. One day she pointed a particularly talented player out to her legendary husband, Don Carter. Don's opinion was that he wouldn't be that good. The kid turned out to be a sensation. "I wasn't surprised," says Paula. "He didn't think Billy Hardwick would make it either."

It seems as if there are more people with bad coughs at bowling events than in doctors' offices. These people sit as close as they can to the bowlers, wait until one of them is getting set for a most crucial shot, then cough their heads off. Carmen Salvino had all he could take at one pro event, and the coughing stopped after a few strong words. After he was finished bowling, Salvino approached the culprit and said, "You owe me a medical fee of $50." The cougher stammered, "For what?" Said Salvino, "I cured your cough, didn't I?"

Many league bowlers miss the days when everyone wore a bowling shirt so they never had to decide what to wear to the center.

Talk about longevity! When superstars and super personalities Dick Weber and Teata Semiz team up as doubles partners, as they often do, their combined age is greater than the number of years since the Civil War.

Some fans feel it is OK to heckle and tell pro bowlers what they should do on every roll. What the pros should do is ask where those fans work, then visit them bright and early in the morning and tell them how to do their jobs.

Bowling certainly has its share of ups and downs. One woman said: "Bowling upsets me so much I'm losing weight; the minute I get down to 112, I'm going to quit."

Many of the world's greatest bowlers--including Earl Anthony, Don Carter, and Dick Weber--started out in the sport as pinboys, as did most of the stars who performed in the first half of the 20th century. Because automatic pinsetting devices have been around some 50 years, most of today's bowlers newt have seen a pinboy or pingirl in action. They are given their just due in an exhibit at the bowling museum in St. Louis.