What were they thinking? From an evil dentist to a Gene Simmons doppelganger to a chicken-plucking Amish heavyweight, we present the worst gimmicks in the history of modern-day wrestling

Wrestling Digest, June, 2002 by Mike Stokes

THE SADDEST words ever spoken by a professional wrestler "It sounded like a good idea at the time."

Throughout the history of the sport, grapplers have been trying to make names for themselves by creating outrageous alter-egos, which they hope will be big hits with the fans. More often than not, however, these personas leave most people scratching their heads wondering what these poor guys were thinking.

As evidenced by Kevin Nash's Oz and Steve Austin's Ringmaster missteps, even the most dynamic wrestling personalities are susceptible. The road to the top is littered with discarded gimmicks from--Tug Boat and Brother Love to the Gobbledegooker and Rockabilly--that never taught on with fans.

The following list chronicles some of the worst gimmicks ever inflicted on a wrestling audience. They have been selected based on a combination of factors ranging from the magnitude of the push these lame acts received to the all-around ridiculousness of the idea behind their existence. They are the worst of the worst. Read on--at your own risk.

Glacier

Not since Geraldo Rivera raided the empty vault of Al Capone had television audiences seen a bigger bust than the overhyped arrival of Ray Lloyd as Glacier. For weeks leading up to his debut, he was pushed down the throats of wrestling fans through videos. His elaborate ring entrance came complete with theme music, indoor snow, and laser lights. Colored contacts even gave Glacier an icy stare. The WCW ice age thawed rather quickly, however, when fans immediately gave this pathetic Sub-Zero knockoff the cold shoulder. Two Mortal Kombat-ish heels, Wrath and Morris, were even introduced as Glacier's evil rivals and quickly eclipsed the ice man in popularity. Glacier's final storyline was also his finest--he sold off his ridiculous armor and snow machine.

Goldust

The strangest character professional wrestling has ever seen, Goldust is a cross between the Missing Link, "Adorable" Adrian Adonis, and a can of gold spray paint. This disturbing persona is rumored to have been dreamed up by none other than Vince McMahon as a way to humiliate Dustin Runnels. Wearing a flamboyant robe and flowing wig to accentuate his fabulousness, Goldust would seductively lick his opponents and slither around the ring. The tinted heel was a tragic figure desperately seeking the love and acceptance of his father, the legendary Dusty Rhodes, which made Goldust prone to crying fits in the ring. Eventually Runnels was allowed to shed the gold paint, but he quickly returned to the gimmick after realizing that Goldust was a bigger star than Runnels could ever hope to be. If the humiliation rumor is true, it's a tossup over whether McMahon or Runnels is having the last laugh.

Doink the Clown

Clowns disturb most people in their natural environs in the circus, much less the squared circle. That didn't stop the WWF from introducing Matthew Wade Osborne as Doink, an evil clown (as if there were any other kind) and one of wrestling's wackiest characters. Employing classic clown gags, diabolical mind games, and a finishing move known as the Whoopee Cushion, Doink was a silly joke taken way too far. It didn't take long for the doors of Doink's twisted fun house to close. Soon after partnering with Dink, a soft-hearted miniature version of himself, Doink lost his clowny edge and his gig.

The Juicer

One of the most bizarre characters ever unleashed on wrestling audiences, Art Barr's the Juicer was an homage to the undead movie maniac Beetlejuice (and not a raging steroid freak as the name may indicate). Dazzling opponents with an arsenal of silly string, dusty hair, and death breath (a green mist sprayed from his mouth), Barr was actually a talented wrestler and a lot of fun to watch. Why anyone thought the world needed a grappling version of Beetlejuice, however, remains a mystery.

Roadblock

From the ominous yellow DEAD END sign on his belly to the stitched passing lane strips running down his legs, Roadblock was clearly not just another fat guy in black tights. He was a fat guy in black tights disguised as a road! Just in case this gimmick proved too subtle for his legion of fans, Roadblock often carried a road-construction barrier over his shoulders to drive the point home. The only thing missing was an orange pylon worn like dunce cap for choosing such a goofy gimmick. Based on Robert D'Aquista's performance in the ring, however, Roadkill might have been a more appropriate ring identity.

Red Rooster

You can't expect to break into the WWF fraternity without a little hazing, but Terry Taylor's embarrassing stint as the Red Rooster was just plain mean. Leaving behind his reputation as a talented-but-dull wrestler in the old NWA, Taylor turned turkey by dying a patch of his hair red and chicken-dancing around the ring. The bird-brain even bellowed "cock-a-doodle-doo" from time to time. Though the Red Rooster gimmick laid an egg, it unfortunately didn't keep Koko B. Ware from keeping alive the misguided dream of a bird-themed grappler.