I watch an episode of "Raw," so you don't have to - Mat Matters

Wrestling Digest, Dec, 2003 by Alex Gordon

WE GET A DISPROPORTIONATE number of letters here at WRESTLING DIGEST criticizing WWE's signature program "Raw."

There's not enough action ... There's too much Triple H ... It's too racy--we hear it all. So, with all those complaints in mind, I decided on a recent Monday night to sit and watch all two hours-plus of "RAW" from a fan's perspective. Here is my running commentary for the September 22 episode.

8:00 p.m. (CST)--We're live in the nation's capital for "RAW" and in attendance are some recovering veterans from the war in Iraq, which means plenty of patriotic pandering.

8:03--Out comes Goldberg, the new WWE champion, who the night before finally ended the long stale reign of Triple H at the Unforgiven pay-per-view. Goldberg gets a good reaction from the crowd, who seem very weary of Triple H.

8:11--And finally here's the first contact of the night as Goldberg spears "Raw" co-GM Eric Bischoff, who has come out to take credit for Goldberg's career. The crowd shows its approval with a chant of "Goldberg." Perhaps Goldberg's title reign will usher in a new era of prosperity for the federation, after all.

8:13--Now this is more like it. No, it's not a match, but a commercial for the special edition DVD of "Scarface." Why WWE hasn't based a character on Tony Montana is beyond me. With a catchphrase of "Say hello to my little friend," this guy could be huge.

8:16--WWE is letting wounded servicemen give messages to their loved ones back home. It's a nice touch, but the contrast between a real war where people actually are being killed and WWE's fantasyland violence is a little unsettling.

8:18--The first match of the night pits intercontinental champ Christian vs. Rob Van Dam. RVD, as always, is fun to watch, but Christian appears to be sleepwalking until he knocks RVD out using the belt. A pretty sold match, albeit all of four minutes long.

8:27--Now this is wrestling action! Too bad it's a commercial for the video game of Wrestlemania XIX. The federation could save a lot of money by just showing matches from the video game, which area lot more lively than anything I've seen thus far.

8:43--Finally, our second match of the night. And what's more fun than WWE's sensitive portrayal of racial politics with Theodore Long. Rodney Mack and Mark Henry are along for the ride and here comes tonight's token white boy Tommy Dreamer. The match lasts all of a minute or two, with Henry winning easily by basically just falling on Dreamer.

8:53--Backstage, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin coins a new acronym "CLB," which stands for "Creepy Little Bastard." Speaking of why is AT&T still using Carrot Top in its commercials?

9:00--We're an hour into the broadcast and we've seen two matches lasting a total of six minutes. But what's this? A third match? Yes, it's women's tag-team action pitting Trish Stratus and Lira vs. Molly Holly and Gaff K. Surprisingly, the Divas actually put together a good match with twists, psychology, and execution. Trish, in particular has come a long way as a wrestler.

9:16--This should be good. It's Shane McMahon live fRom a hospital talking about his classic match last night at Unforgiven with Kane. And it doesn't take a genius to know who's coming to visit. It's Kane, who proceeds to knock McMahon around the ward, dousing him with blood and ramming his gurney into the walls. Now this is something you don't get to see on "ER".

9:24--It's a weird moment as the actual soldiers in attendance boo the French heels, La Resistance. This, of course, comes on the eve of U.S. President George W. Bush having to go before the United Nations to curry the world's favor for support with the effort to rebuild Iraq. With even Congress agreeing to once again use the term "french fries," maybe its time to find another scapegoat.

9:37--A six-man tag match between Evolution (Triple H, Randy Orton, and Ric Flair) and Garrison Cade, Mark Jindrak, and Maven. Even though Flair physically isn't in the same league as the rest of these guys, the "Nature Boy" can still sell a match. He's old-school all the way, hamming it up even when the focus isn't on him. He really is a treasure. After Evolution's victory, Triple H cryptically tells the booing fans that they need him more than he needs them, which is wrestler speak for "I need some time off to recover from a host of injuries; see you at the next pay-per-view."

9:50--We go live to the Rock on the red carpet in Hollywood for the premiere of his new film, "The Rundown." He's funny, he's gracious, and man, does WWE need him, but you can tell from his manner flint his ring appearances are going to be far and few between in the coming years.

10:01--And here we are, Goldberg's first title defense. Chris Jericho is the opponent, but since the match begins with less than five minutes left in the broadcast, I have the feeling this won't be one for the ages. And sure enough, Goldberg pretty much has his way with Jericho, tossing the challenger around like a rag doll. Still Goldberg looks good in victory and the crowd is with him all the way.