College student attitudes and behaviors toward ending an unsatisfactory relationship

College Student Journal, Dec, 2002 by David Knox, Marty E. Zusman, Kristen McGinty, Bob Davis

Two hundred and fifty-nine undergraduate university students completed an anonymous 40-item questionnaire designed to assess their attitudes and behaviors toward ending an unsatisfactory relationship. The data revealed that blacks and "involved" students were significantly more likely to have ended an unsatisfactory relationship. In addition, about sixty percent of the respondents seldom or never stayed in relationships which were unhappy or those relationships they thought should end. However, almost a third reported that they "sometimes" remained in such relationships. Implications for our society and university students specifically are suggested.

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Media attention to the U.S. divorce rate has focused on a deteriorating value for marriage (Paul, 2002; Whitehead, 1997) and negative consequences for adults and children (Amato, 2001; Wallterstein, 2000). While some attention has been given to encourage individuals to make wise choices in selecting and assessing a potential durable marriage partner (Bradbury et al., 2001), little attention has been given to getting out of an unsatisfactory relationship before marriage. If persons did so, perhaps the need to divorce would also decrease. This study attempted to assess the frequency with which college students stay in unhappy, loveless, one-sided relationships.

Background

Previous research has focused on why individuals stay in unfulfilling relationships. These reasons include the perception of no alternatives (Murstein, 1999), external constraints such as lack of income (Stanley and Markman, 1992), lack of social skills to attract another, or pressure from family to stay in a relationship (Stanley, Markman, & Lobitz, 1995). Davis (1999) identified some individuals who regard breaking up as "unthinkable." They feel that even in the face of serious wrongdoing by the partner, they are obligated to try to work out problems and stay together.

Wall (2000) conducted semi structured interviews with nine couples (out of 99) who had been married five years or longer and who scored the lowest on the Dyadic Adjustment Scale to identify reasons why couples stayed together. These reasons included a philosophy of marriage that emphasized the "bigger picture" such as their "relationship" over their "individuality" or their "faith" over their "relationship", an emphasis on the good things in the relationship and meeting each other's needs, an ability to adjust to each other as necessary, and reducing their expectations of each other and their relationship: Wall also identified three types of low quality couples: enduring couples (they stayed together for the children), striving couples (they changed their behavior for the good of the relationship), and those who divorced.

Regardless of why couples stay in unfulfilling relationships, they may regret doing so. Fry and Barker (2001) interviewed 32 women who had been in abusive relationships to identify their regrets of action and inaction. The number of regrets of inaction (e.g. failure to get out sooner) far exceeded those of action. The present study focused on ending unsatisfactory relationships.

Data

The data consisted of 259 undergraduates (97% were unmarried) enrolled at a large southeastern university who voluntarily completed an anonymous 40 item questionnaire designed to assess their attitudes and behaviors toward ending an unsatisfactory relationship. Among the respondents, 64.1% were women; 35.9% were men. The median age was 19 with a range of 17 to 42. In regard to class standing, 45.5% were first year students, 26.1% sophomores, 14.1% juniors, and 14% seniors. Respondents were predominately white (83.3%) with 16.7% reporting that they were non-white (of these 76.7% were black). In regard to relationship status, about half (47.8%) were involved in an emotional relationship and about half (52.2%) were uninvolved (dating no one or dating casually).

Findings and Discussion

As the central concern of this study was attitudes toward unsatisfactory relationships measured as a scale level and the demographic variables were nominal, difference of means tests were performed. There were no differences between women and men in their ending an unfulfilling relationship with about sixty percent (59.9%) of the respondents reporting that they seldom or never stayed in relationships they thought should end. A similar percentage (58.6%) reported that they seldom or never stayed in relationships when they became unhappy. However, almost a third reported that they "sometimes" remained in relationships they thought should end (31%) or those relationships which became "unhappy" (32.3%). This finding reflects the ambivalence student's feel in ending an unsatisfactory relationship and their reluctance to do so.

While no significant differences were found with respect to differences between women and men, significant differences were found with respect to race and level of involvement of the respondent. These findings follow:

1. Non-whites tended to end relationships with no future. When compared to whites, non-whites (most of whom were African American) were significantly (p < .02) more likely to end a relationship they perceived as having no future. U.S. Census data (Statistical Abstract of the United States: 2000, Table 53) and previous research (Mindel et al., 1988) have confirmed higher rates of marital dissolution among blacks than whites.