Coaches corner

Coach and Athletic Director, Oct, 2006

WRITE-IN VOTE

It isn't exactly a secret that one of the recent NCAA championship basketball teams didn't exactly terrorize anyone in the classroom. Hot Rod Hundley was credited with the best capsule analysis of the champs: "They're a beautiful team. They can do everything with the ball except autograph it."

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NUMBER RACKET

Benington played his college ball at San Francisco, and he liked to tell people that his alma mater had retired his number.

"Funny thing, though," he always added. "They waited until a guy by the name of Bill Russell had worn it, too."

TEAMWORK

The basketball coach had just lost a game by 65 points, and was asked for a comment by a reporter.

"It was just a team effort," he said.

WHERE THERE'S A WILT

Tom Hoover kept his cool when he heard that Wilt Chamberlain was talking about becoming a prizefighter.

"Wilt would make a great fighter," Hoover remarked. "If he ever decided to take a dive, nobody's ever notice it. It would take him an hour to fall down."

UNSTRAIGHT SHOOTER

Ron Swoboda came into the clubhouse after whiffing five times against the Cardinals.

"I ought to get my .38 and blow my head off," he moaned.

"Don't bother," grunted coach Rube Walker. "You'd probably miss."

CLEMENTE WEATHER

After watching Roberto Clemente rob the Cardinals of victory with a fantastic catch, manager Red Schoendienst shook his head.

"I don't believe it," he said. "Clemente could never make that play again--not even on instant replay."

SICK CALL

Joe Garagiola revealed that Yogi became concerned one night when he came home to a dark house. He paced the floor nervously for an hour until Mrs. Berra walked in.

"Gee, Honey, where were you?" asked Yogi.

"Oh, I had to see Dr. Zhivago," explained Mrs. Berra.

"Baby," said Yogi, "why didn't you let me know you were sick?

THE BIGGER THEY ARE

Bruce Maher, the 180-pound safety, explains how it feels to tackle tight ends who outweigh him by 50 pounds: "It only hurts when you're conscious."

OVER THE TOP

When the Jets came up against the Chiefs one season, Joe Namath was asked if he had practiced throwing against a 6'9" tackle (Ernie Ladd) and 6'7" end (Buck Buchanan).

"Who are you going to practice against?" asked Joe. "The Knicks?"

FIDDLE-DEE DEE

"When I was in college," boasted the alumnus, "I helped Oregon State beat USC three straight years."

"Is that so?" said coach Dee Andros. "And which team did you play for?"

PASSING FOOL

Joe Paterno watched his sophomore quarterback throw four interceptions in a row in a scrimmage. "The kid is great," he informed a nearby reporter. "He can spot the open linebacker with the best of 'em."

SMART ALEX

Alex Johnson, the silent man of the Angels, hit only two home runs in 1968. By August 1969, he already had 15 homers.

"What's the difference this year, Alex?" asked a visiting newspaperman.

"Thirteen," said Alex.

Excerpted from A Treasury of Sports Humor from Scholastic Coach for the Coach Speaker, By Herman L. Masin, Copyright 1970 by Scholastic Magazines, Inc.