A patient's point of view

AORN Journal, March, 1999

I'm mad at you. That's fight, I'm mad at all of you. I'm mad because you see only from afar the profound impact you have on my family and me.

Even though I am eternally grateful to you and your team, I'm mad because you're not listening to me when I tell you that although you've always been there for me during my surgery, I need you while I'm awake too.

I'm mad because you won't take credit for the role your care plays in my well-being, and I'm mad because you continue to undervalue your contributions to me.

Usually, I am strong and self-reliant; however, when you see me, I am more vulnerable than I've ever been. I've been told I need some surgery I can't even pronounce. Even when my procedure seems simple to you, there is much I do not know. Quite probably I'm scared. Maybe really scared. I have very little idea what's going to be done to me. I'm not sure if I'm going to be OK, what the future will bring, or even if I have a future. On top of all of this, my strength needs to fight what ails me.

I'm turning to you because I trust you, and I believe you care. I could see that you sensed my insecurity and apprehension as they wheeled me into your OR. Just before I fell asleep it was you who took my hand and told me you would make sure everything went well, and I believed you.

I used to be able to talk to my doctor about anything. Now, my physician barely knows me. She barely has time to see all of her scheduled patients each day. Sure, I'm sensitive to the changes to the system that have caused these circumstances, but I'm the one who is going to be cut open or poked and prodded. I need to know where the best hospital is, if my surgeon is among the best, if I should get a second opinion, if there are new treatments I should investigate, what will happen if I don't have this surgery, and how long will it take until I feel better.

Yes, I'm mad at you. I'm confused and frustrated, and I know you can help. You have meant so much to so many, but now I need you to be even more. I know I have little fight to ask more of you who have given so much over so many years; however, I must. I need someone I can trust to tell me what I need to know, what questions to ask, and who to ask them of.

Please, step out of the shadows to carry the light that bums to ensure I get the best care possible. Please, extend your care for me beyond the walls of your ORs into the hallways of every facility that provides surgical care and into the lives of every patient who confronts the uncertainties of surgery. It is your right and your destiny to lead this charge. I'm asking you to build on your experience, knowledge, and compassion to construct the foundation for tomorrow's surgical care. We all need the leadership that resulted in your taking charge of America's ORs to take charge of tomorrow's surgical care. Please teach me what I need to know. Help me understand how to deal with my uncertainties, resolve my concerns, and care for myself in this crazy health care system.

When you accept this responsibility, I will reward you with my confidence, trust, and support. Through me you will become more valuable, even indispensable, to your institutions, as you will hold the key to my satisfaction. You will be honored for your leadership and respected for your foresight. You will create new opportunities for yourselves outside of the OR, and all health care professionals, including your surgical peers, will hold you in their highest regard. In short, you will fulfill your destiny to lead surgical care into the next century, for everyone will come to understand, as I do already, that you are the keeper of the standards and quality of my surgical care.

With gratitude and respect,

Your Patient