Shot down in May - Top Dead Center - business ethics

Diesel Progress North American Edition, Oct, 2002

It's ironic that the best of times are often followed very closely by the worst of times. Only 24 months ago, senior management at most publicly traded companies were some of the hottest pop icons around. The stock market was booming, a new world business order was emerging, and retirement to Bimini at 53 was most definitely in the cards, baby.

Well there was that dot.com thing gone wrong, but hey no one bats 1.000.

Biz execs became rock stars. Their books went straight to the top of the Hit Parade. Business Week morphed into Rolling Stone, MSNBC became MTV Speeches became tour stops. Stock analysts became groupies.

The $17 million mansions in Florida (including the de rigueur helipad) were splashed all over the Rich & Famous channels. CEO sightings were breathlessly reported in the gossip columns. Securing an interview with one of the masters of the universe doubled ratings.

Life was a cabernet, old chum.

Welcome to 2002. CNN is showing executives being led away in handcuffs. Ostentatious corporate wealth is being contrasted with the thousands of 401 (k)s that have evaporated. There's even dirt in Martha's immaculate kitchen.

It is amazing how quickly the adulation turned. Corporate executives have joined professional athletes, politicians and lawyers as objects of ridicule and scorn.

"For another million, could you at least try and catch the ball."

"For another million could you at least try and make sure I don't have to eat cat food when I retire."

The jokes are everywhere.

"What is your expected EPS?"

"Earnings per share?"

"Eventual prison sentence."

NAV-Normal Anderson Valuation.

EBITDA-Earnings Before I Tricked Da Auditor.

EBIT-Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering.

CFO-Chief Fraud Officer.

CEO-Chief Embezzlement Officer.

This kind of stuff is everywhere. They're not really that funny. Okay, EBITDA-DA is pretty funny. But they are everywhere.

And in one of the strangest twists ever, CEOs and CFOs (standard definitions) are now required to issue press releases essentially saying "we hereby certify that we have not cooked the books, this quarter."

Accountability. What a concept.

As always, eventually perspective and reason will overcome the media frenzy and public distain Scandals in the business world are nothing new. Enron and friends join a long list. And of course, 98.3 percent of top managers are honest, hard-working, concerned individuals, that don't own homes with helipads.

The glare of publicity can be an intoxicating thing, the catch is you can't pick and choose when and where the light shines.

Mike Osenga

mosenga@dieselpub.com