The best things in golf: our man picks the places, the people and all the things in between

Golf Digest, Dec, 2003 by Dan Jenkins

IT'S HARD TO KEEP UP THESE DAYS. Just when you think you're right on top of things, they come up with drivers that allow asthmatic high school kids to hit 350-yard tee shots. And then there are the revolutionary golf balls that won't hook or slice even if they're caught in a tropical storm. And now there are these new Barbie-doll wives of touring pros who can actually make noises like human beings talking. Amazing stuff.

All of which suggests that it's time to select the best things in, of and around the game of golf again. Seems like only yesterday that we did this, but the fact is, it was 17 years ago. Back then the "best black golfer with a crooked arm" was Calvin Peete, and the "best white golfer with a crooked head" was Tom Weiskopf.

That's how time flies today. It flies just like that putter you bought the other day, the one with the handlebars and the eight golf balls on the back of the blade, the one that can also be used as a motor scooter to take you to the discount golf shop to buy the new sand wedge that's guaranteed to get you up and out of Egypt.

But let's get right to it. Up close and personal. Live, right here at Studio Golf Digest. Some things haven't changed at all, but here now, after careful study, in no particular order, and splattered all over the place, owing to the whims of the illustrator, are The Best Things in Golf.

Best person to enroll in charm school instantly:

Tiger's caddie, Steve Williams

Best fan-appreciation moment:

Steve Williams tossing a camera into the water after a click during Tiger's swing at the Skins Game.

Best player who never hit a bad shot that wasn't the fault of someone or something else:

Seve Ballesteros. It was the wind, the sand, the trees, the water, the lie, the club, the ball, the wife, the baby, the ...

Best comeback from being struck by lightning:

Lee Trevino, by five majors over Retief Goosen.

Best slump: Ian Baker-Duval

Best bet to win more majors than Tiger Woods:

Jack Nicklaus

Best golf puzzle:

Ty Votaw is:

(a) A village destroyed by the eruption of Krakatau.

(b) The Sherpa who led Sir Edmund Hillary to the summit of Everest.

(c) An actual person.

(d) A polite Albanian expression that means "no thank you" when another drink is offered.

Best public affair:

(golf division)

Ty Votaw and Sophie Gustafson.

Best player who has never won a major but is willing to lecture you on the subject of your choice:

Phil Mickelson

Best TV commercial:

Tiger Woods bouncing that ball 4,567 times on his wedge.

Best fashion statement by a player who stole Annika's wardrobe:

Aaron Baddeley at the PGA, in those pink pants and a white blouse.

Best cap:

Hogan's. As opposed to the worst: Jesper's.

Best visor in the air:

Arnold's

Best dressed in earlier days:

Hogan.

Best dressed today:

Tiger. As opposed to worst dressed today: Any Swede or Charles Howell III.

Best bare head:

Bobby Jones'

Best hat:

Snead's

Best two courses in a town named for a rich guy: Blackwolf Run and Whistling Straits in Kohler, Wis.

Best modern-era course that's impossible to find or get to without joining the Donner Party and eating your belt for supper: Sand Hills, somewhere in Nebraska.

Best back-to-back holes in golf: The 12th and 13th at Augusta National.

Best consecutive three holes in golf: The 11th, 12th and 13th at Augusta National. Hard to go up against Amen Corner, except Abalone Corner--the eighth, ninth and 10th at Pebble Beach--comes close.

Best five holes in a row: The 13th through the 17th at Black Diamond Ranch in Florida. Best of the old or new quarry holes. In other words, better than Merion's or the 4,318 designer creations of the last 30 minutes.

Best seven holes in a row: The 10th through the 16th at Augusta National. But the 17th is a blight on the rest of the artwork. Suggestion: Plow it up and start over.

Best 18 holes in a row: Pine Valley. No contest. No arguments. There's not even a second place.

Best first tee: Still Merion, where Bobby Jones saddled up to complete the Slam.

Best flagsticks: The wicker baskets of Merion.

Best terrace: Winged Foot. Close runner-up: Oak Hill.

Best drive: Magnolia in Augusta. Which has best shade.

Best boulevard: River Oaks in Houston. Which also has most mansions leading up to the clubhouse.

Best intersection: The corner of Links and Granny Clark's Wynd in St. Andrews.

Best golf commentator on TV: Johnny Miller, by a long par 5 over the others.

Best thing to drop from the vernacular and out of the mind of anyone announcing golf on TV: "He made a good play there." Play? No. You make a play in football. You don't make a play in golf. You hit a shot in golf. Or you try to.

Best comedy act with putters: Retief Goosen and Stewart Cink on the 72nd hole of the 2001 U.S. Open at Southern Hills.

Best Captain Queeg moment by a Ryder Cup captain: Ben Crenshaw's rambling, finger-wagging "I'm a big believer in fate" speech on Saturday night before his team's comeback in the 1999 Ryder Cup at Brookline.