A throwback from the outback: Steve Elkington has spent 18 fun-filled years on tour, and now he'd like to tell you all about it

Golf Digest, June, 2004 by Bob Verdi

There aren't as many characters as there used to be?

Not really. Caddies or players. Fulton Allem, he's crazy. Steve Pate, you could tell when he was about to snap. If he missed a three-footer, you just knew he'd have another three-footer on the next hole. Used to be every week before a tournament there were about four or five guys who were gone, or almost gone--the padded-room list. Anything bad that would happen to them in a round, they were over the edge.

One year I'm playing with Ed Fiori in the Canadian Open at Glen Abbey. It's on a former monastery, so they used to have these wooden monks on every tee, these little figures as tee markers. One day, he just chopped a monk to bits. A few holes later, Wade Cagle, the rules official, comes up to us and says, "Eddie, did you happen to kill a monk about a half-hour ago? If you did, it's a fine." Ed says, "No, I didn't do nothin'." So, Wade opens up his hand, and there's a monk's head. Sort of like what Craig Stadler did to that pineapple at the Hawaiian Open. Made it into pineapple juice.

Have you ever been fined?

Only once that I can remember. At the Western Open a few years ago, I three-putted and walked off the green swearing. Some fan wrote to the tour, and sure enough, a couple weeks later, a rules guy comes to me and reads me the letter: "According to this letter, you said [blank] and [blank] and [blank] and [blank]." I was disappointed. I thought Chicago people, in such a tough town, could handle that kind of language.

But you don't have to be nuts to be fun, do you?

Oh, no. Like with Craig. We were flying together a few years ago, so we switched up with someone so we could sit together. "Wanna beer?" he asks me. "Of course," I said. So, he reaches inside his jacket and pulls out two beers, one for him and one for me. Little while later, he says, "Want another beer?" I said, "Yeah, let me get the lady's attention." He says, "No, we don't need any flight attendant." He reaches in the other side of his jacket, and pulls out two more beers. He must have had a case on him. We drank his jacket.

You like the old times.

I'm a throwback. Everything I like is old. Look at this house. It was built brand new, but with stuff that's old, from the windows to the flooring.

This is painting with a broad brush, but it seems that Australians know how to enjoy their time, and their money.

There's always a reason why things are the way they are. The taxes are so high in Australia, people know when to ease up and relax. I don't mean that we're not ambitious, but it does seem that Australians and other foreigners do know how to let their hair down more than Americans. And don't get me wrong, I love it here. I married an American.

And with all our devotion to duty, you still think we're a bit sedentary?

My dad always said America's a nation of spectators. I mean, there are people over here who, when they're not working, they'll spend the whole day watching TV. That just doesn't happen in Australia. We're more outdoor types. If you're fat in Australia, it's not as accepted as it is here.