Of mamas, papas and "big mamas": authors weave a rich tapestry portraying strong African American kinships. - five books on family - book review

Black Issues Book Review, May-June, 2003 by Suzanne Rust

Families are the blueprints for how we build our lives. Mothers, fathers, grandparents and surrogates--the "architects" that shape us--hold our precious destinies in their hands.

The following books create a multilayered portrait of today's Black America and the influence that family has on our character and our choices. They also underscore the strength and the resilience of African American families.

In Mending the World: Stories of Family by Contemporary Black Writers (Basic Civitas Books, December 2002, $25.00, ISBN 0-465-07062-0), Rosemarie Robotham, senior editorat-large of Essence magazine, has compiled an uplifting anthology. Through fiction, memoir, essay and poetry, established writers such as Alice Walker, Pattie Marshall and Edwidge Danticat, along with lesser-known ones, fill pages with the many facets of the ties that bind.

Stepparents Share Love

The voice of caring stepparents, for example, comes through in a way that is seldom heard. In the essay "My Daughter, Once Removed," William Jelani Cobb poignantly describes the love he feels for his stepdaughter and the pain of losing her after her mother divorces him: "I believed that genes don't make the parent, but now I wonder what does a voided wedding vow make me?" He did not want to be the absent black father, wanted so much to be "a keeper."

We are shown the strong bond and camaraderie between mother and daughter in Martha Southgate's short story "Show Business" a touching tribute to a starstruck mother who had put her dreams on hold for motherhood. Beautifully written and honest companion essays by Alice Walker, "The Two of Us", and her daughter Rebecca Walker, "The Good Daughter" address both the adoration and the struggles of mother-daughter relationships.

With introductions by the ever-brilliant Maya Angelou and Pearl Cleage, Mending the World reveals all the joys and complications of family ties.

Fathers, Take a Bow

Kristin Clark Taylor, author of Mothers: Songs of Praise and Celebration, has released Black Fathers: A Call for Healing(Doubleday, January 2003, $22.95, ISBN 0-385-50249-4), an invitation for African American fathers to congratulate themselves, mend relationships and make a difference in their children's lives.

Taylor's book praises fathers "who somehow manage to blend and balance the qualities of courage, leadership, and authority with compassion, gentleness, humility and respect. Who reach out to their child during both the happy and the sad times, or when the one thing that child wants more than anything in the world is to hold his daddy's hand and secure that special place in his heart."

While she acknowledges black women's strength, her point is clear: women cannot be both mothers and fathers to their children. And she refuses to "dance daintily around the ugliness of the absentee father." It is their duty to be there, she argues.

Taylor interviews divorced fathers, single fathers, incarcerated fathers and mentors on what fathering has meant to them. She weaves these dialogues with loving stories of her own father and husband, and the positive influences they have had on her life. In her tribute to fathers, she calls out for men to love their children, be a father, but don t be afraid to also be a friend. She encourages affection, spirituality and putting children in touch with the history of their families and ancestors.

Kin, Fictive or Not

Blood ties alone do not make a family; they do not guarantee love, stability or a warm safe haven. Tony Brown, the television host, author and self-empowerment advocate, reveals the source of his strength in What Mama Taught Me: The Seven Core Values of Life (William Morrow, April 2003, $24.95, ISBN 0-060-18869-3).

Brown learned that when he was only two-months old, a woman came to rescue him because she had heard his mother was unable to care for him. His mother had fallen into deep depression after her husband abandoned the family. Elizabeth Sanford, a concerned woman from the community in West Virginia, not a friend, not a relative, knocked on the door and simply said, "We've come for the boy."

From that day forward, until her death 12 years later, she raised Brown with the love and support that contributed to making him the balanced person that he is today. Of course, it took him years to accept Mama's wisdom, and years to truly acknowledge her. He wanted to Romance readers may enjoy these fictional portraits of Black family life: be successful, and while he never denied her existence, he "just didn't mention her" on his rise to top. He never wanted to be pitied or have people condemn his parents.

While she lacked the pedigree and education of Brown's biological parents (Mama was a maid and dishwasher), she gave from the bottom of her soul. "Her love allowed me to recognize the brilliance of my own spirit," he writes. He believes his success comes from the values that Mama imparted:

1 Reality, the value of being yourself.

2 Knowledge, the value of understanding your purpose.

3 Humanity, the value of being one race, the human race.