How to ruin any job interview: here are some job spoilers you should know about - Getting Hired

Career World, Feb-March, 2003 by P. Gregory Smith

You're lying on your bed listening to your favorite new CD, daydreaming about your plans for life after the last day of school. Suddenly the music stops. There at the foot of your bed are your parents, just standing there with serious expressions on their faces. You haven't seen that expression in four years--not since they told you that Harriet the hamster had moved up to that big exercise wheel in the sky. You're ready for the worst.

"Dear," your mother begins hesitantly, "...well, your dad will explain"

"What your mother is trying to say," he says uncomfortably, "is that we both agree that it's time for you to look for a summer job."

A summer job? That is definitely not what you had planned for those sizzling, sunny days of summer. Oh no, a job did not factor into your future visions of lazy days at the beach and endless evenings spent cruising the hottest spots in town. Nope, "Did you want fries with that?" absolutely does not fit into your summer plans.

Your dad clears his throat and continues, "We'll make it easy for you. I'll pick up a few applications downtown and at the mall. Your mother will even help you fill them out. Isn't that right, honey?"

Your mom nods and adds, "See, dear, we'll all work together to get you a great summer job."

Sure enough, two weeks go by, and despite your worst efforts, the manager of The Bagel Barn calls you to set up a job interview. You can't just blow it off because then your parents will take away the car keys, cut off your allowance, and ground you for life. No, you need to make sure that the manager decides not to hire you, and you need to make it look totally innocent.

Try one of these sure-fire techniques, and your interview is guaranteed to end with the words most people dread, "...I'm sorry, but I don't think your qualifications meet me needs of our company at this time."

Timing Is Everything

Probably the best way to ensure that no employer will hire you is to arrive late for the interview. Even a few minutes off schedule will create the impression that getting to work on time will probably be difficult for you, and what boss wants to be bothered with someone who's always late? Showing up late for the interview definitely creates a negative first impression that will almost guarantee that you won't be offered the job.

The Magic Touch

Another way to make a poor first impression is to offer a bad handshake. Whether the interviewer is a man or a woman, most interviews begin with a handshake. Touch is a very important sense through which we connect with others. Try beginning your interview with an overpowering, bone crushing, "jaws of death" handshake. Unless your interviewer is an active member of the WWE, you'll make a painful and negative impression that should last throughout the interview.

Another, less strenuous, technique is to offer the "limp fish" handshake. If possible, go to the rest room just before the interview and run your right hand under cold water for 30 seconds. Yes, the feel of your cold, clammy paw hanging powerless in the interviewer's grip will create the impression that you're such a wimp that you couldn't do a day's work if your life depended on it.

Business Scents

Smell is actually an even more powerful sense than touch. As a rule, your aroma shouldn't play much of apart in an interview. But if you want to make certain that you turn off your interviewer, try dousing yourself with perfume, cologne, or after-shave before the interview. For some reason, an overpowering scent has a powerful negative effect on most people.

If you want to go for an even quicker turnoff, skip your morning shower or put on yesterday's shirt. Body odor is a guaranteed interview stopper.

Appearance Counts

The way you dress is important for most jobs, and it's particularly important for jobs that involve contact with the public. Even if you'll be wearing a uniform for the job, your interview clothing says a lot about you.

The possibilities are endless when it comes to the wrong look for an interview, but here are three favorites:

The Slob on the Job: Leave your shoes untied. Make sure you've got a few stains on your shirt. Wear your oldest jeans.. .you know, the ones with the hole in the seat and the tear in the knee. You'll win the pity vote, but no boss wants his or her customers to have to deal with a slob.

Britney Doesn't Work Here Anymore: Spare no makeup. Pour yourself into that skirt. Don't be afraid to show off that midriff. Wear your biggest hoop earrings, jangliest bracelets, heaviest necklaces, and brightest nail polish. Looks that might work for you at a high school dance will get you turned down for a job. Employers want to avoid workers whose extreme clothing and makeup might put off some customers.

Tuxedo Junction: Go ahead, buy a new suit for your interview at the highway department. Wear your new prom dress for the interview at the ice-cream stand. Believe it or not, you can overdress for an interview. Being too dressed up will send the message that you're afraid to get your hands dirty on the job. Employers won't hire a princess or prince for a job that requires a little muscle or effort.