For Better Or Worse - how a dual-military-career couple manages their personal and professional life

All Hands, July, 2001 by Jim Watson

WHEN COUPLES MAKE THEIR marriage vows, do they really mean what they say? Through good times and bad, through sickness and health, through long work hours separated from family for what can seem like an eternity. Are they really going to stand by each other and say, "Yes, really. It's OK that I haven't seen you in a week, a month or half a year for that matter."

So, how do some couples do it? How do they make a marriage work when so many others fail? Honestly, we may never know, but maybe, just maybe, we could take a few pointers from Chief Cryptologist (Communicator) (AW) Katherine Williams and her husband, Chief Cryptologist (Maintenance) Lee Williams. Together, they're making the arduous lifestyle of a dual military family work while fulfilling their service obligations as recruit division commanders (RDC) at Recruit Training Command (RTC), Naval Training Center (NTC), Great Lakes, Ill., working some of the longest hours in the fleet. Oh, and by the way, they also have three children, each four years apart, who demand constant attention and want a piece of every free moment their two parents have to spare.

The ear-piercing shriek of two beside alarms going off simultaneously breaks the silence at 3:30 a.m. Seconds later, a third alarm explodes into action from under the bed -- put there precisely because it's impossible to ignore. Within minutes the house will be bustling with the chaos of early morning routines. Three alarms may seem like a little much, but with only three hours of sleep, Lee, who was up late with a new batch of recruits, sees it more like an insurance policy.

"DAD, SHUT OFF THE ALARMS!" his son hollers from the other room. Brandon still has another three glorious hours of slumber before he and his brother have to wake up and get ready for school.

"Honey, get up," moans his wife, while thinking how glad she is she doesn't have to rise, get dressed and train 80 new recruits today. Of course, three weeks ago, she was the one getting up before the sun to push boots on the streets of NTC. It was her turn to play tag-team with her husband over the family responsibilities; all the while teaching what she calls her second children, the in's and out's of the Navy.

But not today. Today, Katherine gets to be just plain old "Mom." That is until 10 a.m., when she has to go and meet her husband to prepare for his division's berthing inspection, called a "static." She really doesn't have to go help him out, but when else is she going to see him today since he won't be home until well after 10 p.m.

"Taking his meals to him, or having the ability to just stop by and say 'hi' has really helped us here. The opposite is also true when I am pushing. He always makes time to see the kids and myself whenever possible," said Katherine. "We always go out of our way to keep our family strong and happy, while excelling in our careers."

And then there's that meeting at noon with the other dedicated chiefs from NTC who were recently selected for limited duty officer (LDO) or warrant officer (like herself), to plan for their commissioning day.

But first, she has to take her 5-year-old son, Trevor, to daycare, make sure her oldest two sons -- Brandon, 13, and Tyler, 9 -- have gotten up, finished their breakfasts and are heading out to school. Then she must finish any odds and ends around the house -- i.e., dishes, laundry, vacuuming and picking up after a cyclone of three children. After that, she'll get her uniform looking sharp, and somewhere in her hectic schedule, she will need to find time to take a breath.

On the other side of the family tree, Lee is rushing to and from recruit training, feeling the strain of 18-hour days sculpting recruits. "If you want to succeed, you have to be there with the boots," he often says as he rushes out the door to his next training event. Although, later on that night, since his recruits are getting further along in their training, and need less and less one-on-one guidance, he will be home early for some rough-housing with his boys or to watch a movie after dinner.

On any given month, the scenario could be completely opposite with Lee carrying out the family duties and Katherine pushing the boots. And sometimes, they both are away molding new Sailors. Not to worry though, Brandon, the oldest of the bunch, watches his brothers under the caring eyes of their next-door neighbors.

"If there was an award for kid of the year, he would get it hands down," said Katherine to her husband, who replies that he feels like Brandon has almost had to grown up too soon. Yet, they know their small day-to-day sacrifices are offset by the large amounts of love they show one and another.

So how do they do it? Sometimes they don't even know themselves. But when asked, Katherine quickly praises her family, who she says has a lot to do with it.

"Not to mention her amazing ability for time management, and the drive and determination to be the best at what she does -- RDC, chief, mother, wife," said Lee. "She's up for any challenge and is the one who really keeps our heads above ground. I just don't know what I would do without her and the help of our children."