Baby Boot Camp for New Dad - Brief Article

All Hands, June, 2001 by Aaron Ansarov

"Eight ... Nine ... 10 ... Ok. Now breathe! You're doing so good, Honey," he says to his wife in the delivery room at Balboa Naval Medical Center. "SHUT UP!" she screams in reply as the tries to push out their 8-pound, 14-ounce baby boy.

He has it easy. Just count to 10 for her while she holds her breath and pushes during contractions. Maybe he'll give a few words of kindness and confidence every now and then to show her he cares about her pain; the whole ordeal will be over before they know it - if he's lucky.

But that's just the delivery. Now comes the real fun.

He is about to enter the next level in his life - parenthood. But where's the instruction manual? Where's the 1-800 help line? 'Where are the answers to all the questions a new dad has about raising a baby?

New moms seem to get their advice from everyone - friends and relatives, nurses and doctors, even strangers on the street who pass along their little tidbits of info. But for new dads, they are left pretty high and dry.

They browse the Internet, watch TV, even sneak behind the wife's back to read books such as, "What to Expect When Expecting," but there's still something missing.

"I've been reading a ton of books," said Hospital Corpsman 1st Class Ernald Ongsioco of San Diego Naval Base. "The books help a little, but as far as babies are concerned, it's hands-on that works best."

Maybe it's a guy thing, maybe not, but it's kind of difficult and embarrassing to ask your wife why green stuff is dripping down the little one's leg, or better yet, how to put that new fandangled outfit on the baby - just how many holes and snaps can one baby suit have?

That's when the "Boot Camp for New Dads" comes in. No, it's not a bunch of scared men being dropped to do pushups if they don't get the diaper on right. Nor do the dads-to-be get cycled out for not getting perfect creases in the baby's one-piece. It's a growing program at more than 100 sites in 34 states, dedicated to helping rookie fathers get together with veteran dads and discuss issues and concerns about the strange new world of parenthood.

Veteran dads bring their babies into classrooms at various fleet family service centers for a three-hour focus group on being the best dad possible. "There's no topic we won't discuss here," said Chief Boatswain's Mate Harold Heatley, an instructor for the class. "I've attended four classes and instructed two, and I wish I had this class back when I had my first kids."

The floor is open at the boot camp. Any question a father-to-be would want to ask can be answered here. All kinds of advice from preparing for the in-laws to getting enough sleep at night.

This class gives a feel for what is about to change or has changed at home, and all in an effort to keep everything at a man-to-man level. There are no uniforms to distinguish rank, and there are no females allowed (except for the ones in diapers).

Most new fathers have never held a baby before let alone changed a diaper, yet here they are about to start doing it at least several times a day for the next couple of years. On top of that, studies show that the first six weeks of a baby's life are the most trying for parents. It can be a very stressful and embarrassing time for some men.

For some, being a father comes very naturally. They've grown up with younger siblings or have been around babies enough to know what's expected. Other men don't have it as easy. Work-related stress, a broken-down car combined with the added expense of diapers, sleepless nights, a post-partum wife and a sick baby - can all add up to a dysfunctional situation. One of the major points discussed at the boot camp is how to deal with these frustrations, and how to not bring them home to your new family.

No matter what happens, being a parent is not something that will come and go. It is a change for life, and every father should take appropriate steps to make it the best time for his child and his family - even if it means going back to boot camp.