A cautionary tale

Girls' Life, August-Sept, 2004

In sixth grade, I walked to the bus stop and was trying to look really cool for the ninth-graders because they always seemed so intimidating. They were watching me when, all of a sudden, I fell into wet cement! I cried. So much for looking cool!

My friend's name is very similar to mine, a difference of only one letter. It was rumored that she liked a boy, so the editor printed it in the class newspaper. But he spelled her name like mine. The next day, it was around the whole school!

I had this really bad cough that wouldn't stop. I was in social studies and tried so hard to hold it in that every time I didn't cough I squeaked. The whole class was trying not to giggle. I decided to let it out, but instead of coughing I made this really loud farting sound. That did it. Everyone lost it.

We have a huge basket of rags made of old clothing. I grabbed one for my trumpet's spit valve and stuck it in my backpack. I got to band practice and everyone stared at me. It was my brother's old Bob the Builder underwear.

Our school lockers have holes in them, and I was curious to find out if my finger would fit. So I walked up to a locker and stuck my finger in a hole. It got stuck, and the principal had to call an ambulance. Paramedics cut off the locker and brought me (and the locker) to the hospital. They got my finger out, but the yearbook editors snapped a picture of the whole ordeal.

My cousin and I were fooling around in the lingerie department at the mall, holding way-too-big-for-us bras up to each other. My crush and his friends walked by and saw us! At school, whenever I pass my crush, he holds up an invisible bra to his chest.

On the way to class, I was doing a movie-star walk to impress my crush. I didn't see the "wet floor" sign and was trying to keep myself up in my heels. I fell straight into my crush, dropping all my books on him. His nose got smacked, and he had to get a bandage from the nurse.

My group and I had practiced sooo much for the school talent show. The day of the show, we turned on the strobe lights and got ready onstage. The audience watched as we did ... nothing. Our music teacher lost the CD!

To bring me good luck on a pro-algebra test, I brought a small container full of lucky stones. I tried to pull a reference sheet from under the container, and it fell. Rocks went everywhere!

I was competing in a spelling bee and doing pretty well. The announcer said a word and instead of responding, "Can you repeat that for me?" I mindlessly said, "Can you spell that for me?" Everyone in the audience cracked up. My parent still find it incredibly hilarious. By the way, I came in second.

My family and I were at the zoo, and I saw my crush there. The monkeys kept reaching through the bars for my peanuts, but there was a "Do Not Feed the Animals" sign, so I wouldn't let them have any. Well, the monkeys got really angry and threw poop at me. One clump hit me right in the face! The next day at school, my crush said, "Hey, aren't you the girl who made the monkeys throw poop?" Aaargh.