Do 17 Things 10 Times Better

Girls' Life, August, 2001 by Kristen Kemp

Sure, you know how to do things--like how to make new friends, ace an English test and get ready for soccer like a month before tryouts, just to name a few. But wouldn't it be fantastic if you could kick it up a notch? You know...bam! Well, wonder no more. We did the legwork and went right to the pros (like a celeb party planner, a standup comedian and a high school teacher) for their top tips on doing what you do--but better! Give these suggestions a try, and you're sure to wow your coaches, crushes and friends. Hey, you might even surprise yourself!

1. MAKE SOMEONE'S DAY

Why not do something nice for a friend, family member or, heck, even a long-lost cousin's boyfriend's next-door neighbor? Spread a little love! Just think how great you feel when someone does something unexpectedly sweet for you. "Besides the obvious, going out of your way for someone else proves that the world isn't such a competitive, tough place," explains Danny Seo, professional do-gooder and author of Generation React. "When we worry about grades, popularity and other everyday stuff, we forget that it's other people who really matter most to us."

You don't have to throw someone a no-holds-barred birthday bash or buy your sis a Prada backpack to show you care. Instead, tell your friend she's a great listener or wash the dishes for your mom without being asked. Help an elderly lady with her grocery bags, or offer to babysit your neighbor's toddlers--for free. If you're having a lousy afternoon, this kind of stuff can work wonders for lifting a sour mood.

2. TALK TO BOYS

You'd think you were talking to Justin Timberlake, the way your palms get all sweaty and your eyes glue to the floor every time you're face to face with a guy. Lots of girls get antsy when guys are in the vicinity. You can overcome this.

If you're not used to boys, you could be clueless as to what to chat about. Maybe your heart is racing due to first-crush jitters. The excitement can wreak havoc on your composure. Just remember--even if the guy's a superstar, he's human, too. He probably feels just as awkward as you do.

Get over the fear by taking baby steps. "First, start a simple conversation," suggests Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D., author of If High School is a Game, Here's How to Break the Rules. "Say, 'I forgot my pen. Do you have one I can borrow?'" Ask him about a quiz or maybe sports, and then slowly-but-surely, you'll graduate to longer conversations with your own personal Justin.

If you're still shaky, there's always safety in numbers. "It's easier to be yourself with your girlfriends nearby," Cherie explains. "So try to interact with guys at a party or school sports event, when your friends are around. You'll have a bud right there to talk to if you need a break from the boys."

And don't forget to be yourself--you can never go wrong with that.

3. CONVINCE MOM TO BEND THE RULES

You've been psyched for your BFF's co-ed bonfire for weeks. But your mom is more likely to buy you a pony than let you spend the night. You'd be surprised if she even stretches the curfew for you. Too bad you can't work mind magic on her. But wait...you can!

According to expert David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., author of Get Anyone to Do Anything, your mom can be putty in your hands. "Studies show that people do things for others when they feel respected and appreciated," he says. So appreciate your parents--tell them thanks for things they give you, offer to do extra chores when they're busy, and talk to them about your world.

Then when you ask for something, do it carefully. Say, "I want to go to the bonfire Friday, and I'd like to spend the night. What do you think?" Asking Mom for her opinion is key, says David. When she answers, listen carefully. If she says, "No way," respond with, "OK, what if I just stay out a bit later? I promise to be home at midnight on the dot." Remind her how trustworthy and responsible you are. If she still says no, say, "Maybe I could just stay out a half-hour later." Maybe; maybe not.

When it's all over, say thanks and go about your business regardless of her final decision. Throwing a fit will just weaken your future negotiating powers.

4. BE THE CLASS FAVORITE (NO BROWN-NOSES NEEDED)

Most of us feel like muzzling the girl who brings Teach a shiny red apple, cleans the chalkboard and then offers to pick up her dry cleaning. But, you don't have to be annoying to make a good impression. "Most teachers feel unimportant to their students," says Jan Hargrave, a body language expert and former high school teacher. "Your instructors are just people. If they get the feeling you like and respect them, they'll think fondly of you."

Teachers eat it up when a kid listens in class, so pay attention and nod in agreement about once or twice every 15 minutes. Lean forward a bit to emphasize that you're tuned in. And be sincere while you're listening--teachers can always smell a fake.

Next, make eye contact and ask her questions. "Subconsciously, teachers feed off positive feelings and avoid negative ones," Jan explains. So here's an easy one--smile.