Dear Carol - Letter to the Editor

Girls' Life, August-Sept, 2002 by Carol Weston

Dear Carol,

I love my dad, but he taps me on my behind even though I've asked him to stop. He even once did it to my best friend! Should I be weirded out about this?

--Freaked by Father

Dear Freaked,

Can you talk to him again? Kids grow up fast, and some parents who innocently pat their little children's bottoms are slow to break the habit. But it has become awkward for you, and it's completely inappropriate for him to touch your friend. He might not realize he's crossing a line, so speak up. Tell him it makes you and your friend uncomfortable. If he values having a healthy father-daughter relationship, he needs to realize you are not a little girl anymore. If this persists--or becomes even more troubling--talk to your mom or older sib or aunt or any adult you trust.

Dear Carol,

Sometimes when I'm alone, I talk to myself. Is this normal?

--Self Talker

Dear Self Talker,

It's OK to talk to yourself when you're alone. Many people say things to themselves like, "I can do this," or, "I have nothing to wear!" or, "Why hasn't he called?" or, "I can't believe school's about to start." As long as your solo conversations are not long-winded, there's no reason to worry. On the other hand, try to rein it in a bit (since this habit bothers you), and try to spend more time with friends (so your monologues can become dialogues). How about starting a diary? Diary writing is a great way to express your thoughts and feelings.

Dear Carol,

What do guys look for in a girl? I have a few pimples and feel like I'm not the prettiest girl in class.

--Feeling Ugly

Dear Feeling,

Do not call yourself ugly! C'mon, lots of girls (and guys) have pimples--it's normal. Wash your face daily with an acne-fighting cleanser, drink plenty of water, keep your face sweat-free, and buy a cover-up that matches your skin tone. If you want a change, get a haircut, buy a new top and smile! You'll feel and look better. It's no secret that personality counts more than looks. Sure, guys notice pretty girls just as girls notice cute guys. But a big part of being attractive is being confident, enthusiastic and interested in others. A new school year is here, so go for a positive new attitude, too!

Dear Carol,

One of my close guy friends is going out with my BFF. I like this guy a lot as a friend but, I admit, I am jealous of their relationship. They are going to a movie next week, and they already went out to dinner once. I have a boyfriend, but we never go on dates. I am worried I'm losing two great friends.

--Worried, jealous, Sad

Dear Worried,

A little jealousy is perfectly natural. But a lot of jealousy can poison friendships. Take a deep breath, and try to be happy for them. And since you and your boyfriend don't go out enough, why not suggest a double date? If you feel you need some one-on-one time with any of them, it's OK to confess your feelings. But next time you get hung up about any of this, remember that time might change this relationship anyway. So do your best to stay friends with everyone.

Dear Carol,

I don't know what's wrong with me. I am happy one minute, depressed and angry the next. I constantly snap at my friends and parents. What's this about, and how can I stop it?

--Up and Down

Dear Up and Down,

It's no fun, but mood swings are typical at your age. It's important to learn how to manage your moods so you don't dump on loved ones. When you snap at them, they probably withdraw or snap back. When you're nice, they're nice back, right? So practice being civil, even when you want to throw plates or slam doors. Take kickboxing or karate, so you can let off steam. And get to bed earlier--lots of people who are irritable are actually sleep-deprived. If you owe your friends or family members an apology, offer it. It's never too late, and apologies go a long way. If you're feeling really blah and consistently irritable, see your school counselor or ask mom to make an appointment with a doctor to rule out something serious, like clinical depression.

Dear Carol,

I secretly have a huge crush on one of my guy friends. I'm not sure about it, but I think he likes me, too. How can I be certain?

--Want to Know

Dear Want to Know,

Sorry, there are no surefire ways to decode a guy's feelings because some guys (like some girls) are loud, flirtatious and charming while others are quiet, shy and sweet. But if he spends a lot of time and energy paying attention to you, that's a positive sign! Keep talking and emailing and looking into his eyes, and things will probably become clearer.

Dear Carol,

I am 12, and I was bleeding "down there" for about three hours one day, but then it stopped. Did I really get my visit from Aunt Flo even though the blood didn't come back the next day? Also, I'm spending a week at a friend's house, and I'm worried that I'll get it while I'm there.

--Did I Start?

Dear Did I Start,

Sounds pretty unusual for a first period. First periods usually last several days not several hours. Why not see your doctor, who will check for breast and pubic hair development, which might suggest Aunt Flo could be coming Soon. Regardless, at your age, you should always be prepared for you period. For that week away at you friend's house, pack some pads just in case you need them. Stow some in your backpack and locker, too.