Friend or Joe Foe? - GL Guys - best guy friend flirts with friends - Brief Article

Girls' Life, August-Sept, 2002

Bill & Dave

I invited my adorable best guy friend to my country club dance. He spent the evening flirting with my friends. We got into a huge fight over it and haven't talked for weeks. How can we be friends again?

BILL: The good news: Your guy friend willingly goes to dances (quite rare). The bad news: He likes to flirt. If he truly is adorable, he's likely to be adored. Tell him how his flirting makes you feel. If he cares about your feelings, you can probably patch it up. If not, decide if you want to adore him or ignore him.

DAVE: If you two are just friends, he shouldn't have to modify his flirtatious tendencies. It's different if you're a couple. Is that what you want? If so, you can't assume he knows your true feelings. Once you two resolve what you are--flirters, friends or daters--the situation should remedy itself.

My ex, who is now my BGF (best guy friend), went out with one of my friends, but she broke up with him. He still likes her and, every time we talk, he brings her up. It's really annoying. What can I do?

DAVE: I'm going to investigate this ex-girlfriend-as-BGF concept further. It would be a dream if my exes would set me up with their friends. But this is about you. Tell your BGF he's annoying, and maybe he'll understand. Better yet, set him up with someone else.

BILL: Maybe you still like him and don't want to hear how much he likes someone else. Or, maybe he's just fixating. If that's the case, assure him you'll be there for everything else in his life but that you've heard enough about his old flame.

Why are guys so obsessed with their hair? Isn't that totally a girl thing?

DAVE: It's a girt thing to be publicly obsessed with hair. It's acceptable for girls to carry mousse and say things like, "I'm having a bad hair day!" Guys are expected to be quiet about their 'dos. But you're right--guys are hung up on hair (or lack thereof). Think about all the products aimed at guys who are losing it.

BILL: Not all guys are obsessive about their hair--at least, not as much as Dave. But we pick up signals from girls that hair matters. The music and movie stars you love all have "cool" hair. We're just trying to please you girls! Honest!

This boy and I hang out every summer. But once school starts, he completely ignores me. What's up with that?

BILL: I take it he's not busy studying? Some kids use the school year as a chance to fit in with a new crowd, working up the popularity ladder. Sounds like your friend is trying to get up that ladder instead of paying attention to what matters--you. Rather than watching him clamber to the top, maybe you should do some moving on of your own.

DAVE: Summer is about hanging with kids in your 'hood. When school starts, time is divided between a variety of activities, so it's only natural to be less available to summer buds. And he may very well be hitting the books in his free time. If so, propose a study session to get a little more face time.

I'm happy with my BF, but I've been noticing this other guy, too. I think I like them both. What should I do?

DAVE: Flip a coin? Rock/paper/scissors? There's no easy answer, but be sure it's worth it before leaving a guy you know you like for one you think you like. It's only a matter of time before a computer program is invented to determine the compatibility of two people. Until then, it's purely a game of chance.

BILL: The "rules" say you can't have more than one BF. So make a list--BF on one side, new guy on the other. Write down the things you really care about, and see who scores highest. Just hope you don't end up with a tie.

Got a question? Just send it to Bill and Dave, c/o Girls' Life, 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214, or e-mail it to Bill-Dave@girlslife.com.