Rah rah rah - GL Life: Ask Lucky - friendship changes after starting high school - Brief Article

Girls' Life, August-Sept, 2002 by Alexis Sinex

My BFF and I just started high school, and things have really changed. Suddenly, she's Miss Pretty And Popular Cheerleader--and I'm not. Plus, she tells her new friends my secrets. Should I deal or get rid of her?

Hopefully, she's going through a phase. It happens to a lot of people when they start high school. She's probably trying to be accepted, which is OK. But it's not OK that she's losing sight of what's important--your friendship. If you haven't told her you feel neglected, please do. She might not even know. If she doesn't change the way she treats you, make new friends and let Little Miss Pom-poms go her own way.

Dear Lucky,

A classmate invited me to a party, but we're hardly friends. I don't want to go, and I don't want to be her BFF. How do I let her down?

It's OK if you don't want to go to her party, but could you be jumping to conclusions by assuming she wants to be your BFF? You're not the only person invited. It's a party--you might have a good time, and maybe some of your friends will be there. If you go and you're having a terrible time, you're free to leave. Just come up with a nice excuse like, "Thank you for inviting me to your party. Unfortunately, my mom asked that I be home early, so she's picking me up." Give the girl a chance. Heck, you might even wind up with a good friend.

Dear Lucky,

My friend likes my ex, but she's worried it will ruin our friendship if they go out. I'm so over him, and I really don't mind if they date. How can I make her understand it's OK?

You and your bud seem genuinely concerned about each other's feelings. If you're really OK (and you'd better be extra positive) with her dating your ex, then tell her you appreciate her putting the friendship first but that you no longer like him like that. Give her your best, and mean it. No need to go overboard--it'd be weird to insist they date. It might seem like you're trying to pawn him off, and what if he's not interested in her? You don't want to put her in a position to be turned down by your old guy. If either of them choose not to pursue dating, just let it go.

Dear Lucky,

My BF told his friend he thinks the new girl at school is pretty. Is he going to dump me? Just because your boyfriend thinks the new girl is pretty, it does not mean he's going to dump you. It means he's a normal guy, who notices girls and talks to his friends about it. It doesn't mean he thinks she's prettier than you or that he wants to go out with her. Don't make more out of it than what it is. Be honest--don't you notice when a new guy is cute? That doesn't mean you like your BF less. However, if he obsesses over other girls or shamelessly flirts, you might want to consider dumping him!

Dear Lucky,

My BFF is a guy, and other guys don't ask me out because they assume he's my BF. I don't want to end our friendship, but I'd like the chance to have a BF. What should I do?

Having a guy BFF is great! Your other good friends--guys and girls--must know you two don't date. Or do they? People who've never had close friendships with the opposite sex tend to assume people who do are secretly dating. When you two hang with a group, don't stick together in a cozy corner. Circulate. If he walks up while you're talking to someone, introduce him as your good friend. When people ask if he's your BF, let them know the deal. Sorry, but the burden is on you to bust the myth that this guy's your BF.

Got a guestion for Lucky? Send it to Asky Lucky, c/o Girls' Life, 4517 Harford Road, Baltimore, MD 21214, or e-mail it to questions@girslife.com.