Untangle that tongue: how you can get the convo flowing with your crush!

Girls' Life, Feb-March, 2003 by Jennifer Pangyanszki

Maybe you've exchanged a few smiles in the hallway. Or you notice you're the one he always borrows a pen from in English. Or maybe you've even heard a certain guy is crushing on you! Now, all you have to do is....talk to him. Argh!

Staying your usual cool, calm and collected self might not be so easy when it comes to striking up a convo with your crush. If your nerves have you stammering or your face turning redder than a box of Valentine's chocolates, it's time to get over it.

A smooth-talking tango might just seal the deal, so we have the scoop on chatting with crushes--what works, what doesn't and the lowdown on the unwritten rules. Whether you're talking online, on the phone or in person, we've covered all the bases to get your tongue untangled and back in the game. You might just score yourself a date to the Valentine's Day dance....

Digital Dial-up

E-mailing and Instant messaging can pave the way for a high-speed crush connection, without all the pressure of getting just the right words to come out of your mouth on the first try. An online chat could be the least stressful way to get to know your crush. Just be careful the entire basis of your relationship isn't high-tech. As comfy as it is sitting at your computer monitor, at some point, you're going to have to face him in the hail.

DO...

...send upbeat IM messages. Start off with a funny thing that happened to you that day or something hysterical you just saw on TV. Once a positive vibe is established, your fingers will fly trying to keep up with his messages.

...take full advantage of not being face-to-face. Unwind and be your truest self since you don't have to worry if he's noticing the zit on your forehead. You're probably donning your PJs and a mud mask, but he'll never know!

...steer clear of the editing trap. Check for major boo-boo's, but don't overdo it and rewrite your e-mail like a dozen times. This is supposed to be a fun chat, not an essay test.

DON'T...

...get careless with the send button! If you're also on IM with your BFF, beware. It's so easy to inadvertently flip to the wrong window, and you definitely don't want him to get the message for your BFF that says what a hottie he is! Should it happen, please feel free to send in your story for our embarrassing moments column.

...spam him. No one likes a mailbox full of forwarded mall. A few irresistible jokes are OK but, for the most part, stick to cool stuff like a link to the sneak-peek trailer of that movie he's dying to see or a free MP3 download from his favorite new band.

...panic if either of you has no Internet access. There are other ways to get to know each other informally. Pass him a note in study hall for an IM session the old-fashioned way.

DANGER ALERT!

Since he can't hear the tone of your voice or see your body language, make sure you're coming across as you intend. Make it obvious when you're kidding. What you say online can be easily misinterpreted. Sure, smileys help get your meaning across, but try not to overdo the cutesy factor.

A Call Waiting

Wondering how to nudge your way onto the phone frontier? Sending your crush telepathic messages to call probably won't help--and neither will staring at the phone for hours. Here's what might get your phone ringing...and keep that line busy.

DO...

...your homework! Take advantage of any way to get his number--join a class project group or start up a study session, and then exchange numbers. Sorry, getting it from the phone book doesn't count!

...let your fingers do the walking. If he offers his digits or asks for yours, consider it an invite to dial him up. Avoid the waiting game, in which both of you think the other will call first. Say something like, "Great, can't wait to hear from you," or, "Cool, I'll give you a call." Then go for it.

...figure out how much your crush likes to talk on the phone. Some guys like to gab, but many prefer to keep it short. If you call him, just tell him you wanted to say a quick "hello." Don't hold him hostage on the phone if he's giving you cues he wants to hang up.

DON'T...

...call too much. If he's not home, leaving one message is enough. He's now it" in telephone tag. It's so not cool to become a frequent phoner. You call him...then he calls you. Get it? Wait your turn, even if it takes a few days. If he never calls back, casually ask him if he got your message. If he still doesn't return your calls...take the hint. Sorry.

...call at late hours. A good rule of thumb: no calls after 9 p.m. Late-night chats won't score you any points with his parents. Plus, you run the risk of being humiliated by one of your 'rents jumping on the line past your phone curfew.

...let a convo drag on too long. Prevent the dreaded "urn's" and "er's" by jotting down a few things you can say as a last resort. Remember, though, it's way better to go with the flow and launch into a related story: "That reminds me..." If things are still lagging, just say you have to run. Short-but-sweet is better than drawn-out and ho-hum.

DANGER ALERT!

Don't forget how many people have Caller ID or *69! Calling and hanging up is not worth the risk. If you totally freeze up after you've dialed, it's better to ask to speak to a fictitious person and pretend you got a wrong number.