In the next 30 seconds, you're about to be kissed. Do you know what to do?

Girls' Life, Oct-Nov, 2003 by Jodi Bryson

The Diss: Slow Captain Periodontics down by kissing his upper lip, then moving to his lower. You want to show your hottie that kissing you is about tenderness, not toothiness.

THE GRAND CANYON (a.k.a. The DNA Sampler)

The Kiss: His mouth is so open it's like a huge spit hole on his face. This kisser also likes to stick his tongue as deep into your mouth as possible, as if he wants you to say, "Aaahhh ..."

The Diss: Simply pull back a little so his tongue can't reach past, say, your second molar. You want him to kiss you, not check your tonsils.

THE FLOPPING FISH (a.k.a. The Wrestler)

The Kiss: He's got two moves with his tongue: 1) vigorously up, and 2) vigorously down. When he's really warmed up, he might go side to side. This guy isn't into kissing in a sweet, gentle way. He's into kissing like it's a WWE maneuver.

The Diss: Before you toss this one out of the ring or back to sea see if you can reel him in. Your tongue is actually a muscle, so tongue-wrestle his into submission by pushing it up and, well, sort a "pinning" it. Then you can expertly take over the kiss.

THE HOT TAMALE (a.k.a. The Gas Mask)

The Kiss: This one isn't so much about the kiss as what's behind it. The kiss might be a winner if your dude didn't taste like fermented burger burps.

The Dies: If you're bold enough to offer him a mint, do it and carry on with the kissin'. If not, breathe solely out of your mouth. It's nor much help, but it's better than his nasty exhale burning your nostrils. And next time, take a bite of his chili burger--it'll soften the blow.

THE SLIME PUPPY (a.k.a. The Lollipop)

The Kiss: This guy's a licker. Too much spit. He's treating your face like it's a double scoop of Cherry Garcia.

The Diss: Maneuver so that when he goes in for a lick, the tip of his tongue meets the tip of yours. Keep at it until you find a rhythm, a style. Two tongues doing the tango can be tasty. One tongue lapping up your cheekbone is just plain icky.

AWESOME Kiss Tip!

Pucker up ... Uneasy about your whole lip-locking technique? Try slowly saying the word "peaches" while really articulating with your lips. Say it with a lot of breath, but don't pop the "P" sound so much that you spit spray straight out of your mouth. Slowly, softly, breathily, roll "peaches" and hold your lips in the position of the final "S" sound. There you have it--a perfect pucker for any kiss.

The Boy. The Place. The Time.

WHO WILL YOU KISS?

Of course, you don't want to become a kissing bandit, so you should only smooch someone if you actually like him. But it helps to know if he'd be a ready participant (see "5 Ways to Tell He Wants to Kiss You," next page). You could suggest a kissing game at the next boy-girl bash, then cheat by getting in cahoots with your BFF. Have her wrangle it so the guy you like ends up kissing you with a blindfold on.

WHERE WILL YOU KISS?

Kissing should be done when you and your guy are somewhere alone together--duh. It's getting him alone with you that's the hard part. A good trick is to put yourself in his path. Like when you're at a dance or late-night sporting event, conveniently be thirsty right as he goes to get a drink. When you're at a party, just happen to be waiting to use the bathroom just as he's exiting---hallways are excellently snug! If you "already have a willing kissing partner, here are a few spots to sneak a smooch: