Flirtology: the secrets to releasing your inner flirt

Girls' Life, Oct-Nov, 2004 by Anita Naik

not all of us are natural-born flirts. But the good news is that every girl has an inner flirt just battling to get out. And despite what you might think, your ability to flirt has nothing to do with how pretty or clever you are. But it has everything to do with the vibes you send out.

What kind of vibes? Well, we know your friends find you the funniest and most gorgeous person on earth, but there is no way a great guy will be able to appreciate the real you if you go to pieces the minute a cutie starts a conversation. It's time to think positive, and tap into your flirt power!

Want to catch the eye of the guy of your dreams? Learn the art of grabbing his attention by being your funny, fabulous self!

Here are the 30 secrets of successful flirts ...

1 Successful flirts take risks. Wait for someone else to make the first move, and you'll also be waiting to be called, asked out and kissed. Those who try get results. If you spot someone you like, don't wait by the sidelines--jump in. What have you got to lose?

2 Good mood, good flirt. Good flirts are fun. This doesn't mean you have to crack a joke every five minutes, but it does mean you should be in a good mood when you flirt. One instant mood-lifter? Put on your favorite CD, turn it up, and dance wildly around your room for five minutes. Then hit the road.

3 Find your courage. Magazines are packed full of little tricks and tips for being brave around boys. Sure, it's great to have a cute story to tell or have some cool pin for him to notice but, in the real world, you aren't always going to have timely tales or fun props--you'll just have yourself. That's why you need to just take a deep breath and give it a go. Practice your technique, and you'll find that the more you flirt, the less afraid you'll feel about it.

4 Aim your beam wide. Always start with your flirt gaze on full beam. Let it sweep over every guy in the room before you narrow it down to one person. Sometimes, you'll find Mr. Right in five seconds but, other times, it will take a few tries. Scan with a smile on your face, and you'll find someone before long.

5 Smile on the lookout. Walk around staring at your feet, and all you'll see are the cracks in the pavement. Look up, and the dating possibilities become apparent. To boost your flirt power, make eye contact with boys you think are cute as you walk down the street. Look them in the eye as you walk toward them, smile, keep walking and then look back to see if they've picked up your signals.

6 Make up your mind. All it takes are 90 seconds to decide if you like someone or not, so make those 90 seconds count! Before you hot-foot it over, check out his body language. If he's smiling, standing with his shoulders back and looking at you, then he's ready to flirt.

7 Don't give up. So what if you don't get immediate results? While your aim is to attract someone's attention, if he's not interested or misreads your signals, just move on.

8 Forget rejection. Remember: Everyone gets rejected by someone in their lifetime. Rejection is rarely about you. It's often more about the other person. Relive your dating failures, and all you'll do is put yourself through rejection over and over again. You have to be in it to win it.

9 Make sure your clothes reflect who you are. Everyone thinks guys like girls to dress like divas, but are a micro-mini and skimpy top really you? Are these the signals you want to send someone? Dressing against your personality is a flirting no-no. Always wear what gives the right signals for your personality.

10 Hang with happy people. Happiness is infectious. To boost your inner flirt power, hang around people who look and act happy. Scientists have found that people find it hard to ignore happy people, so grab his attention by smiling and having fun with your pals.

11 Be aware when someone's flirting with you. Don't get so wrapped up that you don't notice when someone's flirting with you. Hints that someone likes you: He's showing up at your favorite haunts or trying to get your attention by being silly.

12 Give him an opp. Screeching loudly with your friends might make a guy look your way, but it won't make him come over and talk to you. Guys are put off by groups of loud girls, so break away and give him a chance to approach you on your own.

13 Flirt sassy, not skanky. Being overly suggestive is not a good idea. While a bit of a romantic undertone to flirting is fine, implying you're wilder than you are will make a guy think you want more from him than a simple evening of flirting.

14 Find your flirt style. Don't copy other people's moves. Instead, pick up some helpful hints you can adapt. Watch how people keep the conversation going and how they make it clear they want to get to know someone better. If you're hopeless at flirting, it pays to spend time watching a pro at work. Choose a friend whose flirt style you admire, or go somewhere like a coffee shop and people-watch.

15 Make your move. He smiles, you smile back. You look, he looks back. You grin, he grins.... Stop it now, and get over there! Guys are notoriously thick-headed about getting the message. If he's giving you signals but not moving, you have to go to him.