The dating game - Guys

Girls' Life, Oct-Nov, 2002 by Bill, Dave

My BF is encouraging me to go out with other boys! Is he trying to tell me something?

DAVE: Yes. Explicitly. In plain English. So, do exactly as he says. He'll go nuts seeing you out with other guys and realize his mistake or...well, you're out with other guys. Either way, you can't lose.

BILL: Actually, it sounds like your guy might have a guilty conscience. Could he be seeing other girls? You can deal with it one of two ways: 1) Confront him and ask what's driving his newfound unselfishness (expect complete silence as your BF's response), or 2) call his bluff, and go out with someone else.

My ex-BF wants to get back together with me. But rumor has it lie cheated on me while we were going out. What should I do?

DAVE: You could ask him if he was unfaithful. However, those who cheat also tend to lie--so how would you ever know for sure? Mere suspicion (Old he or didn't he? Is he or isn't he?) could haunt this relationship's future. Cut your losses, and move on.

BILL: I'm not a big fan of "go-backs." Why'd you break up in the first place? Why relive all that heartache again? We're meant to learn from our mistakes, not repeat them.

I like this guy, and lie likes me back. I think we'd like to go out together but have gotten our signals crossed and both fear rejection. How can I give him the green light?

DAVE: Perhaps it's time for straightforward talk rather than subtle flirting. Tell him you'd like to hang out. There's an excellent chance he'll go for it. Sometimes ya just gotta jump out of the plane and hope the parachute opens. In this case, it sounds like you're probably in for a safe landing.

BILL: Let's say you go to the pet store and see a really cute puppy you'd like to pet but, every time you try, he pulls away because he was treated badly in the past. People aren't much different. Move very slowly, and build up trust bit by bit. Show this guy you're into him for real, and he'll warm up to you. Puppy love is worth the wait...

I was in a play with this guy. At the cast party afterward, we talked and danced. I gave him my phone number, but he didn't call. I saw him again, and he flirted with me but still hasn't called. Should I give up or stick with it?

DAVE: You might think you want a guy who meets a girl, gets her number and calls immediately, but let me explain why you really don't. By taking measured steps, this guy is showing that he takes girls seriously. He probably doesn't want to rush into something without getting to know you better. Are you willing to wait this guy out? If not, time for a new leading...um...guy.

BILL: Let's put this in perspective. Every time you see this guy, you two click. So, what's the deal? Why don't you ask for his number? Don't give up so easily on a guy you genuinely think is a great person.

My BF lust started high school, and I'm still in middle school. I'm afraid he'll meet a ton of new girls. How can I be sure he won't dump me?

BILL: Not to crush you, but short of being yourself, you can't be sure. He'll likely meet new girls, but so what? The thing about relationships is, if they're meant to be, they will be. If not, you've just gotta go on. Try to stay as much a part of your boyfriend's life as you can without being clingy or sacrificing your independence. It's no use sweating over stuff that's out of your control.

DAVE: Well, it's not like you can skip a grade. If you two continue to date, great! If not, focus on school, fun and friends. Before you know it, you'll be in high school, too.